Three years ago, I bet my coffee money on AI stocks. Turns out, I should’ve bet on coffee. Artificial intelligence? A passing fad. No, the real drama on Wall Street has been the stock split circus-forward splits, reverse splits, and the occasional corporate magician pulling rabbits out of collapsing hats. But let’s not pretend these are magic tricks. They’re just math with confetti.
A stock split is like a cosmetic procedure for a company’s share price. You don’t actually look younger, you just… reshuffle the cells. Market cap? Still the same. Earnings? Still the same. Just a different number on a screen. But investors? Oh, they love a good number game. Forward splits? “Look at me, I’m affordable!” Reverse splits? “I’m not dying, I’m just… restructuring my heartbeat.”
Here’s the rub: forward splits are the equivalent of a CEO saying, “We’re so successful, we’re giving you more pieces of the pie.” Reverse splits are the CEO whispering, “We’re drowning, but let’s pretend the water’s just a spa.”
Enter Lucid Group. On September 2, this electric-vehicle “luxury” maker will perform its 1-for-10 reverse stock split. The share price will jump from $1.98 to $19.80. Investors, you’ll note, are now being asked to believe this is a “bounce,” not a Hail Mary. I’ve seen more optimism in a pigeon’s diet plan.
Reverse Splits: The Investor’s Russian Roulette
Most reverse splits are the financial equivalent of a seagull’s promise: loud, empty, and destined to leave you with sand in your soul. But every so often, a company like Booking Holdings (formerly Priceline) comes along. In 2003, they were about to get delisted from Nasdaq. They did a 1-for-6 reverse split and… well, their stock went up 22,000%. That’s like taking your dying plant, watering it with despair, and it grows into a redwood. Miracles happen. Probably don’t bet on them.
Sirius XM did a 1-for-10 split in 2024, not because it feared delisting, but because institutional investors won’t touch a stock under $5. It’s the financial equivalent of gatekeeping: “You’re not *wealthy* enough to buy this stock unless it costs more.” Sirius XM is now a “legal monopoly,” which is just a fancy way of saying, “We’re protected by lobbyists.”
Lucid, though? It’s the financial version of a haunted mansion. Let’s not kid ourselves: this reverse split isn’t a comeback. It’s a PR stunt. The company’s production forecasts are as reliable as a weather app in London. In 2024, they promised 90,000 cars. They delivered 9,000. In 2025? 18,000-20,000. That’s not scaling. That’s a toddler learning to count.
The Air Isn’t Exactly Premium
Lucid’s Air sedan is supposed to be the Tesla killer. Except Tesla’s Model 3 is selling like hotcakes, and Lucid’s Air? It’s selling like my dating profile. Consumer enthusiasm for EVs has cooled faster than a room full of vegans at a steakhouse. Charging infrastructure? A joke. And Trump’s “Big, Beautiful Bill” just nuked regulatory credits. Congrats, Lucid. Now you get to sell cars to a market that’s been told EVs are a scam.
Their Gravity SUV? Originally slated for 2024. Delivered in April 2025. Quality control? Let’s just say it’s not a “luxury” experience. It’s more like a “luxury tax” with a side of regret.
And the money? Oh, the money. Lucid has $2.8 billion in cash. Sounds good, right? Until you realize they’ve lost $13.8 billion since inception. That’s not a startup. That’s a casino. And Saudi Arabia’s Public Investment Fund? Their largest backer. Let’s just hope they’re not investing in this because they think it’s a “strategic partnership.”
So here we are. Lucid’s reverse split is the financial equivalent of a clown car: everyone’s squeezing in, hoping they’ll land on something solid. But let’s not forget: clown cars don’t have engines. They just honk.
Maybe Lucid will turn it around. Maybe the stock will rally. Maybe I’ll wake up tomorrow and find out I’ve been living in a simulation. Stranger things have happened. But for now, I’ll take my chances with a cup of coffee and a healthy dose of skepticism. After all, the only thing more unpredictable than the stock market is the human tendency to believe in miracles. 🎭
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2025-09-02 10:23