Lawyers Say the Feds Hid the “You’re Not Breaking the Law” Memo—Oops?

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Well, kids, grab your popcorn and your “I told you so” T-shirts, because the Samourai Wallet courtroom drama just dropped a plot twist hotter than my high school dance outfit. (It was silk. It was daring. There are photos, but you’ll never see them.) The legal eagles repping Samourai’s co-founders, Keonne Rodriguez and William Hill, are now channeling their inner Perry Mason and accusing the feds of hiding an all-important memo from the U.S. Treasury. Imagine: you’re being told you ran a red light six months after the DMV personally complimented your driving. 🚗💨

How’d this come out? On May 5, Samourai’s lawyers lobbed a spicy letter into Manhattan federal court, saying prosecutors sat on a convo with FinCEN—a chat that took place way before the big charges dropped. In plain English: someone knew those guys might be innocent, but the memo was apparently busy collecting dust (and possibly lunch crumbs) on someone’s desk.

So what was in this missing holy grail of emails? FinCEN officials allegedly told prosecutors, “Yeah, so… Samourai Wallet isn’t a Money Services Business.” Which is like your mom telling the teacher you definitely weren’t the one who drew a mustache on the class hamster. The entire government case rests on the claim that Samourai needed a FinCEN license, so… oops?

“Shockingly, six months later, the same prosecutors criminally charged Keonne Rodriguez and William Hill with operating just such a business without a FinCEN license,” wrote the lawyers, who were probably resisting the urge to deliver this statement while wearing sunglasses and dropping the mic.

Disclosure Deadlines: Now Available in 2025

Prosecutors, it seems, were supposed to hand over their chats with FinCEN by May 8, 2024. But surprise! That deadline slipped out the back like a raccoon who smelled trash night. The defense only got the goods a YEAR later, on April Fool’s Day, 2025. (No, you can’t make that up. Lawyers, assemble! 🦸)

For those still catching up: authorities charged Rodriguez and Hill back in 2024, accusing them of running an unlicensed money transmitting business, plus money laundering sprinkled with crypto-anonymizing fairy dust. According to the feds, Samourai’s wallet-mixing service made it hard to play “Where’s Waldo?” with $2 billion in crypto, including $100 million of pure black market mischief.

FinCEN’s Super Secret Email: “Not Actually a Money Business, LOL”

Here’s where it gets really spicy: a prosecutor’s internal email apparently summarized FinCEN’s position, saying that since Samourai never took custody of users’ crypto (read: they didn’t hold the magic keys), it wasn’t acting as a money services business. So, by FinCEN logic, Samourai was as far from Wall Street banking as I am from running a marathon. 🏃‍♀️ (I get tired watching other people run.)

While FinCEN half-heartedly suggested the prosecutors could give it a shot (“Sure, try to argue they ‘controlled’ funds!”), even they seemed to know this was a stretch, since—minor detail—there’s no official guidance for this kind of thing. Bet that meeting ran long.

The “You Can’t Fire Me, I Already Quit” Defense

With this shiny new fact, the defense is set to ask the court to dismiss the charges. Why? Because apparently, you can’t break rules that didn’t actually apply to you. Groundbreaking, right? They also want a hearing to dish out the tea on why the magical FinCEN memo went MIA, possibly with a side of sanctions. (Court drama, but make it Judge Judy.)

All of this comes hot on the heels of a Justice Department mood swing: Deputy AG Todd Blanche just announced they’re not interested in punishing people for using crypto mixers if the rules are, you know, written in invisible ink. Both sides are now taking a breather to see what happens next—except the defense, who just loaded up on espresso shots and are ready to brawl.

Their mic-drop: “If Rodriguez and Hill weren’t money transmitters, then no license, no crime.” (Insert Law & Order gavel sound here.)

Now, we wait for the judge to decide if this is a “Case Dismissed!” moment or just the next episode of “Who Wants to Be Indicted for Software?” Meanwhile, the crypto crowd is clutching their privacy tools like prized Beanie Babies, wondering when the regulatory vending machine will start accepting clear answers instead of IOUs.

The punchline? Samourai’s best defense just might be that the only laws they broke were the ones the government made up on the way to court. 🍿

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2025-05-06 13:07