Jean Dawson: An Interlude

Jean Dawson is usually working in the studio from 7 p.m. until 7 a.m., so an appointment at 8 a.m. happened during his deep sleep phase. “Waking up today was tough, but it was necessary,” says Dawson, who appreciates finding humility in the ordinary.

For Dawson, now 29-years-old (formerly known as David Sanders), waking up early isn’t something new. Growing up, he spent part of his time between San Diego and Mexico. To catch the bus to the U.S border, he often had to rise before sunrise, and then waited for hours with his younger brother Jerome to cross into the States. This routine continued for four years until Dawson reached middle school. After that, he began to appreciate later mornings. He considers waking up early as a sign of success.

Just as the musician greatly appreciates warm showers, it’s because of his past experiences. Back when he lived in Mexico, he didn’t have a water heater. Instead, he and his brother would heat water on the stove to take their baths.

Raised primarily by his mother in Spring Valley, California (after moving from Long Beach), Dawson grew up with his sibling Jerome and his chosen brother and current manager, Nico Hernandez, who is also of Mexican descent like his mom. The father of Dawson was a U.S. Army officer.

Dawson recounts a chilly winter evening spent on Hernandez’s doorstep, puffing on Newports and discussing their dream of traveling the world. Now, separated by mere walls, Hernandez sits at the studio’s front with their dog Mala. Yesterday, they both attended Swan Lake together, laughing at those who gave them sideways glances – two tall, tattooed men in black clothing – seated in an orchestra balcony at a ballet. Behind this image lies Dawson’s profound appreciation and understanding of classical music. However, he encourages everyone to make their own judgments. After all, his opinion doesn’t matter much to him since it is only as important as the one you hold.

Dawson has always been unfazed by others’ opinions about his music. He acknowledges that his discography is so varied and complex, it can be baffling at times. He accepts that sometimes his voice may come across as a scream, while other times it might sound like a female’s voice. If given the chance to trade one of his abilities, he would choose to have a woman’s singing voice instead. He has no intention of being confined to any specific genre, but rather embraces being in the middle ground. When asked about the type of music he creates, he simply responds, “You decide what I am.

At night, Dawson finds himself pondering over his personal beliefs. During our last meeting in October 2023, after the release of his “NO SZNS” collaboration with SZA and wrapping up his European tour with Lil Yachty, this sentiment was particularly heavy on his mind. Often self-critical and hard on himself, Dawson is striving to cultivate a more compassionate self-talk. Although it’s an ongoing effort, he believes that he’s recently gained new insights about himself through this process.

Following his sonic fluidity taking center stage on his first studio album, Bad Sports, released in 2019, Dawson quickly secured early collaborations with A$AP Rocky for the 2020 release of Pixel Bath, and Earl Sweatshirt for the 2022 release of CHAOS NOW*. Notably, Rick Rubin endorsed him. Despite these high-profile collaborations and accolades, Dawson, a complex and self-aware artist, remained humble, choosing to maintain his unique identity rather than being swayed by his success.

He’s been associated with TopMob and Hypetrak for some time, starting by giving us a gritty, uncensored sneak peek into his creative journey in the introspective exhibition “TopMob: Diaries” around early 2023. Wearing a classic RAF Simons “Altered Reality” jacket, Dawson led the team to an observation deck in Lincoln Heights, where he spent a lot of time writing, drawing, and thinking – not all of it necessarily productive.

Today, I’m focusing on nurturing my creative, uplifting ideas, pushing forward with determination, and shooing away any negativity: “What makes you think I have time for your nonsense?” (in a gaming context)

I’m sporting a similar RAF Simons work jacket this time around, but with a slightly different twist on the style.

How are you?

I’m doing well. Currently, I find myself in an intriguing situation. As time goes by, I’m discovering new aspects about myself that were previously unclear. It’s amazing how certain things about me are now becoming clearer. My thoughts and expression of those thoughts have undergone a transformation.

How are you approaching making music these days?

I’ve recently experienced a profound sense of childlike curiosity that’s been dormant for a while, finding everything fascinating and leaving me awestruck. Work often dulls our spirits, but I’ve grown somewhat detached – in a beneficial way. The things I choose to care about are carefully selected; I invest my time and emotions deliberately.

What are you spending your time on now?

I have many interests that I feel deeply about, and one area where I spend a lot of time is music production. Recently, though, I’ve found myself excited by new ventures, such as writing film scripts. The other night, a quote came to mind that has been guiding my creative work ever since. Although I can’t remember whether it was someone else who said it or if I thought of it myself, the quote goes like this: “I feel as though I am everything because I already became so when they told me I couldn’t be.” This sentiment resonates not just with my music and my outlook on life, but also with my personal growth – by the time someone tells me I can’t do something, I’ve usually already accomplished it.

What are your current thoughts on genre and people trying to box in your sound?

If asked to label my music, I’d describe it as eclectic or versatile, rather than associating it with a specific genre. I’ve never identified myself with the punks, rock kids, hip-hop kids, or jazz enthusiasts. I don’t conform to musical cliques because my interests are diverse and constantly evolving. When people try to categorize my music, like saying “You make rock music,” I quickly move on to something new, as if to say, “Oh really? That’s interesting!” Whenever someone asks about the genre of my music, I often reply, “Let’s leave that for you to decide.” My musical style fluctuates based on my own changes and preferences. I admire artists who find a unique sound and stick with it, but I’m restless, always seeking new experiences. Just as I can’t limit myself to coloring with only one color, my music requires a mix of styles to express the full range of my creativity.

Is it weird having to tap back into past sounds when you’re so far past that point in life?

In essence, it feels as if I wake up to find only my old high school wardrobe remaining, with clothing that no longer fits quite right and appears odd now. Many people discovered me through an album released in 2019, and I’ve had to learn to accept that this era will always hold a special significance for them – one I can never recreate.

How do you not let the outside noise affect you?

In essence, what I mean is that it doesn’t leave me unaffected. In such situations, I find myself offering comfort through a warm smile and a comforting hug, and treating others kindly as my top priority. Recently, I came across some powerful advice: “Treat the person next to you as if they were your brother or sister.” This is the perspective I strive to maintain when viewing the world and myself. Though I still struggle with self-criticism at times, I’m making an effort to protect myself from my own harsh thoughts. A phrase that often helps me is, “Who do you think you’re speaking to?” Alternatively, I might imagine the seven-year-old version of myself. “You wouldn’t speak to yourself like that at that age,” I tell myself, which helps me silence the negativity.

In our previous conversation, I found the idea you expressed – “Your opinion of me exists only within your mind” – particularly compelling. Has this perspective remained your outlook?

The concept is becoming more refined, less rebellious, and more about self-acceptance. I have a clear understanding of who I am, and it’s not for others to determine. In the grand perspective of things, I find myself as insignificant – in the best possible sense – referring to my small role compared to all the good and bad in this world. This realization frees me to fully express my creative spirit.

What are some things that hold significance to you today?

Here for the first time (as far as we’re aware), let’s embrace it like a baby would – curious and eager. Let’s trip, let’s fall, let’s explore everything anew, just like experiencing the vast expanse of the sky or the deep ocean for the first time. This innocent, youthful outlook of “I might as well give it a try” has provided me with so much freedom to run wild.

Could you explain the evolution of your music style from your debut studio album “Bad Sports” to your latest release “Glimmer of God”? How did you manage to maintain a sense of continuity while experimenting with different sounds in each project?

Transitioning from “Bad Sports” to “Pixel Bath” was like going from crawling to walking for me. Then, from “Pixel Bath” to “CHAOS NOW*” was more like a jog. “CHAOS NOW*” marked the first album I wrote purely for myself, as all others were written for my father. The asterisks in the track names symbolize fireworks; I intentionally avoided ending my sentences with periods because every song on that album is meant to be continuous. It’s designed to feel like a series of run-on sentences penned in crayon. Following this, “Glimmer of God” represents me accelerating to where I am today. This album was an opportunity for me to truly sing instead of just shouting. Prior to that album, I had only been yelling. “Glimmer of God” is my tribute to honesty. It’s a reflection of my realization that I had been harsh towards myself for quite some time, and this project symbolizes letting go of that past cruelty and embracing self-compassion. The deluxe version, “Rockabye Baby: Glimmer of God,” concludes the story. Although it’s distinct, it’s influenced by everything I’ve accomplished before.

What is it that ties all of your projects together?

All the songs across their albums share a common theme, with each new album representing a more mature evolution of its predecessor. For instance, “Pegasus” from Pixel Bath is essentially the same song as “SICK OF IT*” from CHAOS NOW*, but the latter version has been refined and improved.

What was the guiding principle behind Glimmer of God?

The album reflects my journey of accepting and expressing my two contrasting aspects – a blend of elegance and power, much like Prince’s music. It’s both rebellious yet sweet, powerful yet tender. This duality is not just reflected in the music but also the album cover – glamorous, yet don’t be deceived, for it signifies a strong masculinity.

A fascinating anime to watch is Berserk. In this series, there are two primary characters – Griffith and Guts. While Griffith exudes beauty and calmness, Guts embodies strength and warrior spirit. Interestingly, they represent opposite sides of the same character, much like the essence I wanted to convey in my album cover: a blend of sophistication and unwavering resilience – don’t underestimate me!

Where does your innate adaptability come from?

Everything I am today stems from my mother’s influence, as she allowed me to become everything I was meant to be. I consider myself incredibly lucky to have had that experience. One of my most significant aspirations is to establish an educational institution focused on teaching instruments to children. By consistently attending classes, they can ultimately keep their instrument and return whenever necessary to brush up on their skills. Upon completing the program, they are welcome to return as volunteers to teach the younger students. Who knows where the next musical prodigy might emerge? They could hail from Milwaukee or East LA. However, without the opportunity to explore their potential, they may never discover their hidden talents.

What are some things you feel privileged to experience today?

My most cherished activity is waking up at my own leisure, a sign of my personal triumph. Another joy is journeying the globe with my brother Nico. I recall our moments huddled on his porch in winter, puffing Newports, and promising, “One day we’ll explore the world.” Now, we’re standing before the Eiffel Tower. Yesterday, we watched Swan Lake. We’re two men from the neighborhood with facial tattoos, now enjoying a classical performance like Swan Lake. People might have wondered, “What are they doing here?”, but let me clarify, I have extensive knowledge about classical music. Feel free to judge and perceive me, but remember, we can both enjoy Swan Lake together.

In your current attire, you’ve custom-designed certain items such as the sparkling headgear and the embellished Rick Owens Ramones. Has designing fashion pieces always been a creative outlet for you?

Ever since my childhood, I’ve been customizing clothes instead of just wearing them. My mother would take me thrift shopping, where I’d often find skinny jeans in vibrant hues, but they were usually too large. We’d then bring them to my aunt in Mexico for alterations. For each pair I gave her, she charged a dollar as a way of teaching me responsibility. My aunt would also try to take me to expensive shoe stores like Foot Locker, but we couldn’t afford it. Instead, we’d go to Walmart, where I’d buy Starter sneakers and request colorful shoelaces. We’d then head to Joann Fabrics for gemstones and glue, and I would invest countless hours in designing my shoes. To this day, I still alter high-end brands like Balenciaga. The hand-studded Ramones took me a considerable amount of time to create. Unlike music, fashion is what helps soothe my nerves.

What does making music feel like today?

Experiencing music can be comparable to a prolonged embrace. It holds an enchanting quality, as if you’re deeply immersed in it, and there’s also a charm in standing aside and watching it unfold.

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