James Howells’ Hilarious $75M Plan to Rescue His Lost Bitcoin: Will It Work?

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In a story that would make Odysseus weep with joy—or perhaps indignation—James Howells, poster child for misplaced fortune, has decided that the time is ripe for a bold new venture. After navigating the murky waters of bureaucratic disapproval and the unsightly debris of a long-lost hard drive, he unveiled a $75 million scheme at the Bitcoin Conference of our lord 2025. His plan? To tokenize a morsel of his 8,000 Bitcoin that are, quite literally, among the rubbish. 🍔💰

But alas! Like hope itself, doom looms near. The landfill, once a cozy hive of lost treasures, is set to meet its dank and dismal closure, and the local council remains obstinately mum on granting him the golden ticket to excavate his treasure.

The Illustrious Tale of Loss

Ah, James Howells, a native of Newport, Wales, has found himself in a predicament akin to losing the last piece of cake at a christening. In 2013, he blithely tossed out a hard drive—a grave error that he insists cradles the keys to 8,000 Bitcoins, now strutting around the realm of hundreds of millions. For years he has battled through bureaucratic obstinacy, pleading for access to the landfill, only to be met with environmental and safety concerns as impenetrable as a knight’s armor.

Reinventing the Wheel of Redemption

Tokenize 1,675 of those coins as ordinals.

— TFTC (@TFTC21) May 28, 2025

This bold slice represents about 21% of the buried treasure, with funds destined for a landfill heist of sorts. “We’ll make them an offer they can’t refuse,” he quipped, firmly in control of his own narrative.

Showtime at the Dump

But fear not, for our beleaguered hero’s tale transcends mere financial fiasco. It’s been announced that the fine folks at LEBUL, a U.S. production company (why do I feel they’ll have more luck than James?), have snatched up the exclusive rights to his saga—a documentary promising to showcase his journey, with filming slated for summer and a release tantalizingly set for October or November. 🎥🍿

“I’m positively buoyant at the prospect of narrating my tale,” Howells exclaimed, his eyes sparkling with the glow of newfound hope. “This is the first time I can unveil our aspirations at the landfill. Once the world gets a load of this documentary, they’ll see—it’s not a harebrained scheme but a masterstroke of brilliance.” Or so he fervently believes.

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2025-05-29 09:07