Let’s get one thing straight: I hate passive income. Or rather, I hate how everyone treats it like some sacred grail. You think a dividend stock’s gonna rescue you from the capitalist hellscape? Darling, please. But fine, we’re all here pretending we’re not desperate for a sliver of financial stability, so let’s dissect this T-Mobile thing. They’re all smiles, waving their “un-carrier” flag, but behind the scenes? It’s chaos. The kind of chaos that makes you wonder if their next dividend hike will be funded by selling plasma or something.
See, the problem with dividend hunters is we’re basically vultures picking over corpses. High yield? Sounds like a dying company screaming “notice me!” T-Mobile’s different, though. They’ve got this… energy. Like a puppy that’s already knocked over three lamps but you can’t help but root for. Their stock’s up 14% this year, which is cute, if you ignore the fact that they’re leveraged to the moon.
Business is thriving
Oh look, they’re crushing it in 5G. Revolutionary. T-Mobile added 1.7 million customers this quarter-their best second-quarter ever, apparently. And their free cash flow? A whopping $17.8 billion projection. But here’s the kicker: they’ve got $75 billion in long-term debt. Seventy-five. Billion. That’s not a balance sheet, that’s a cry for help.
And the dividend? Adorable. Started at $0.65, jumped to $0.88. Ooh, 35% growth! But it’s still a 1.4% yield. You’re better off roasting your own coffee beans for pennies than waiting on that payout. Still, management says they’ll hike it 10% annually. Which sounds lovely until you realize they’ve only done it once. Like a toddler promising to clean their room “every day forever.”
A newer dividend that could grow over time
Let’s talk about their “strategy.” Eliminating hidden fees? Groundbreaking. Next you’ll tell me water is wet. Their “un-carrier” schtick is just basic decency, but hey, in a world run by sociopaths, basic decency looks like genius. The problem? They’ve bought eight companies since 2021. Eight. That’s not growth-that’s hoarding. Like a squirrel with a meth habit.
And the debt? I keep coming back to it like a tongue to a sore tooth. $6.4 billion short-term, $75 billion long-term. Their cash pile’s $10.3 billion. Congrats, you’re technically solvent. For now. But every time they sneeze, their balance sheet catches pneumonia.
Is T-Mobile a Dividend Champion in the making?
Dividend Champions need 25 straight years of hikes. T-Mobile’s been paying dividends for less than two. This is like calling a toddler a “future Nobel laureate.” But fine, their trajectory’s not hideous. Free cash flow covers the dividend six times over. But what happens when the 5G boom dries up? When Verizon and AT&T stop playing nice? When their debt comes due and they realize they’ve been funding dividends with monopoly money?
Look, I’m rooting for them. I want their dividend to soar. But I also want to believe in Santa Claus. And we all know how that ends. So buy the stock if you must. Just don’t say I didn’t warn you when they’re auctioning off the office furniture to pay bondholders. 🎩😏
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2025-08-17 18:44