IMF Wanted to Stop El Salvador’s Bitcoin Binge—Guess What Happened Next? 🤔

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The gray, relentless drizzle of bureaucracy hangs low over San Salvador. And somewhere in a dim-lit chamber, Minister Maria Luisa Hayem sits, wrestling not merely with ledgers and figures, but with the very intoxication of Bitcoin’s promise. Yes, the country’s so-called “loan agreement” with the IMF, that chattering spectral force from Washington, whispers of restraint and discipline. Yet behind the curtains—as ever with mankind’s greatest follies—a quite different calculation persists.

One does not simply renounce a fever. Bitcoin is El Salvador’s new Dostoevskian vice: unpredictable, infuriating, and yet—oh!—so alluring. Does Mother IMF really believe a nation could be reformed with mere money and pledges? They must not have watched humanity stumble through its greatest temptations (spoiler: we always trip).


“There’s a commitment of President Bukele,” intones Hayem, “to amass assets precisely so… ” She trails off, but the unspoken is louder still. Forget gold, forget reason. The government, the private sector, even Mariano, your cousin with the bad mustache—everyone’s stockpiling Bitcoin like Dostoevsky’s favorite gambler chasing one final glorious win.

Bloomberg reports skepticism: “But didn’t the IMF loan you $1.4 billion not to do exactly this?” Indeed, my dear reader, logic is an elegant shackle; temptation is a locksmith. Despite the ritual signing of international agreements and the furrowing of bureaucratic brows, the Bitcoin accumulation persists—living proof that loopholes are the truest national pastime.

The IMF, torn between “performance criteria” and actual performance, now finds itself arguing semantics. Rodrigo Valdes, donning his diplomatic armor, assures the world: technically, the fiscal codes are unsullied. “They keep to the letter,” he says, while the spirit—possibly drunk on crypto—is nowhere to be found.


“But, my friends,” sighs Valdes (with a weary wink), “the program is not merely about Bitcoin. It is, like Dostoevsky’s Russia, a program of much greater depth: structural reforms, governance, transparency…profound transformation! Or, at the very least, the appearance of it.”

In El Salvador, as in every Russian novel, the official report may be laced with grand language, but in the margins, you’ll find the truth. Progress inches forward, Bitcoin continues its shadowy dance, and the IMF—well, the IMF is learning that you can lend a country money, but you can’t make it sober.

Meanwhile, in San Salvador, the roulette wheel spins just a little faster. 🎲🤑

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2025-05-01 17:45