How Bitcoin Became the Ruble of the New Millennium—But in a Good Way! 🪙🚀

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In the great theater of human folly, as the old world’s currency staggers like a vodka-soaked apparatchik on payday, Tim Draper rises from his digital dacha to prophecy: Bitcoin might soon be worth not just vast sums, but an infinity of the crumbling Yankee dollar. The only thing collapsing faster than faith in fiat is perhaps my own optimism for humanity’s common sense.

Tim Draper’s Telegram from the Edge of Reason: Buy Bitcoin, Skip the Gold Bars!

On May 1—May Day! How fitting—Tim Draper, capitalist of the venture variety and a man who clearly spent little time in the breadlines, thundered from his social media pulpit (X, formerly known as Twitter, formerly known as the place to shout into the void):

Bitcoin might be worth an infinite amount of USD.

Draper, whose optimism for cryptocurrencies appears as limitless as Siberian winters, recalled a tale from that other grand experiment in economic hubris—the American Civil War. The Confederate dollar, bless its failed ambitions, went from parity with the U.S. dollar to a collector’s item worth less than a ruble in a Lubyanka backroom. People stampeded to trade their paper dreams for the safe haven of the U.S. dollar—exactly like a liquidity crisis at a Soviet shoe store.

The U.S. Dollar Index is doing its best impression of a falling icicle, shattering records for futility unseen for forty years. If global tensions escalate—well, hope you like queueing (again), this time for greenbacks. Meanwhile, Bitcoin marches on, its ledger open not just to the apparatchiks but to all: no secret accounts, no briefcases, no back-alley deals with Ivan. Just pure, cold math. ❄️🧮

Gold? Draper sneers. Gold, that ancient relic! Try stuffing a kilo under your mattress, comrade. Borders bristle, customs men get greedy. Bitcoin, by contrast, slips through wires like a dissident under the cover of darkness. Even governments are quietly hoarding their digital stashes, as if prepping for the next currency purge or the next Five-Year Plan that only lasts five months. 🪙🏦

And when the system finally does what systems invariably do (implode spectacularly), you won’t want to be the poor fool with a pillowcase full of gold, or a savings account vanishing faster than samizdat. Listen, says Draper:

You want to have enough bitcoin to hold you and your family over for six months to a year. Or, if hyperinflation happens, that bitcoin might last a lot longer.

Yes, every optimist is a gambler at heart. Some mutter about volatility, as if the dollar hasn’t had its own nervous breakdowns. But with a fixed supply and no Politburo to devalue the ledger with a careless signature, bitcoin may yet prove the last refuge of dreamers—at least until someone unplugs the internet. Welcome to the brave new world—please leave your old rubles, dollars, and gold teeth at the door. 💰😉

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2025-05-05 00:59