Highs, Higher Yields, and My Regrettable Stock Picks

My mother once told me, “If you’re going to chase dividends, at least do it with flair.” She said this while I was Googling “S&P 500 all-time high” for the third time that week, my screen glowing like a Christmas tree. The index had just hit another record, a 18% surge over the past year. Stocks now trade at valuations that make me feel like I’m buying a loaf of bread for $50 and calling it “artisanal.” Dividend yields? They’ve shrunk to the size of my savings account after my cousin’s wedding. But fret not-there’s still room for those of us who prefer our returns served with a side of sarcasm.

Three stocks have caught my attention, like a moth to a flame that’s also been promised a pension. Enterprise Products Partners, Energy Transfer, and Clearway Energy are the financial equivalent of that one friend who always wears a suit to the grocery store. Here’s why they’re worth a second glance, even as the market hums along like a well-oiled espresso machine.

Enterprise Products Partners: The Tortoise Who Also Likes Cash Flow

Reuben Gregg Brewer (Enterprise Products Partners): I once dated someone who moved at the pace of a snail during a hurricane. Enterprise Products Partners is that person, but with pipelines. Its 6.8% distribution yield is the financial equivalent of a slow, steady drip-except the water’s whiskey. The MLP’s distribution is covered 1.7x by distributable cash flow, which is like having a financial umbrella in a monsoon. Even if oil prices tanked tomorrow, this company would still be collecting rent on its energy infrastructure like it’s running a Timeshare for the Permian Basin.

What really warms my trader’s heart is the company’s investment-grade rating. It’s the financial equivalent of having a trust fund and a therapist. Even if things got dicey, Enterprise Products Partners could lean on its balance sheet like a bad habit. And since it charges customers to use its pipelines, the price of oil might as well be the weather forecast-irrelevant but endlessly debated at dinner parties. This explains why the MLP has raised its distribution for 27 straight years. I tried doing that with my gym membership. Let’s just say the streak ended in 2019.

With a $6 billion capital investment program in the works, cash flow is set to grow like mold in a breadbox. The S&P 500’s record highs? A footnote. Enterprise Products Partners doesn’t care about indexes-it’s too busy being the Energizer Bunny of midstream MLPs.

Energy Transfer: The Comeback Kid (Who Also Happens to Be a Pipeline)

Matt DiLallo (Energy Transfer): Energy Transfer is the stock market’s version of that friend who quit their job to become a TikTok influencer but still shows up to your BBQ with a six-pack. Units are down 15% from their 52-week high, giving it a P/E ratio of less than nine. That’s the financial equivalent of showing up to a black-tie event in a tuxedo made of discount coupons.

This year’s been a bit of a snooze for Energy Transfer. Earnings growth has slowed to a crawl, like a toddler in a stroller. But here’s the kicker: the MLP is about to drop $5 billion into organic projects. Most will come online by 2026, which is like planting a garden and expecting it to flower by next Tuesday. And there’s more where that came from-the Transwestern Pipeline Expansion Project is a $5.3 billion cherry on top, set to launch by the end of the decade.

Energy Transfer’s balance sheet is tighter than a new pair of jeans on a first date, but it’s in the best shape of its life. That means it can keep approving projects or swoop in on acquisitions like a financial version of a bargain hunter. By 2026, the MLP’s unit price might just start looking like it belongs in a museum. Or at least a gallery that sells modern art.

Clearway Energy: Renewable Energy’s Version of a Slow Cooker

Neha Chamaria (Clearway Energy): Clearway Energy yields 6.3%, which is the dividend equivalent of a slow cooker-low, but it’ll eventually make something edible. The stock’s dropped 15% in two months, which is either a buying opportunity or a sign that the market forgot it exists. Either way, I’m here for it.

Clearway’s targeting a $1.98 dividend per share in 2027-11% growth, which sounds impressive until you realize it’s just keeping up with inflation. But here’s the kicker: it’s a renewable energy giant with a 29-gigawatt pipeline from its parent company. That’s the financial equivalent of having a goldmine in your backyard but using it to grow sunflowers. By 2027, Clearway expects $2.50-$2.70 in cash available for distribution. That’s enough to cover its dividend goals and then some. If this doesn’t work out, I’ll just start a GoFundMe for my retirement.

As I type this, my cat is knocking over my coffee mug for the third time today. Maybe the universe is trying to tell me something. Or maybe it’s just a cat. Either way, these three stocks are the financial equivalent of a well-kept secret. Just don’t tell my mother-I’ve already embarrassed myself enough with my “artisanal bread” phase.

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2025-09-22 02:31

Enterprise Products Partners: The Tortoise Who Also Likes Cash Flow

Energy Transfer: The Comeback Kid (Who Also Happens to Be a Pipeline)

Clearway Energy: Renewable Energy’s Version of a Slow Cooker

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