Markets
What to Know (and Why You Shouldn’t Care) 🐖
- Crypto prices are slipping like a greased pig in a mud bath during the U.S. trading session, while precious metals and stocks throw confetti parties. 🎉
- The AI trade is as strong as a dragon’s breath, with bitcoin miners now selling AI gadgets instead of mining coins. 🧙♂️
- Gold and silver hit new records, and one analyst says Bitcoin needs a nap before it can dream big. 🛌
Crypto bulls are now hiding behind their pillows, whispering “Not today, market!” as the debasement trade continues. 🐻❄️
Gold is having a party and everyone else is just… waiting for the music to stop. 🎶 It surged 2% to $4,475 per ounce, while silver waltzed up 1.6% and nearly hit $70. 🏆
The Nasdaq and S&P 500 are high-fiving each other at 0.6% gains, while the U.S. dollar is sulking at -0.3%. 🤭
Bitcoin, once a wild stallion, now limps at $89,000 after racing above $90,000. Still ahead, but clearly out of its league. 🐎
Ether, Solana, and others are in the green, but they’re all playing hide-and-seek with their previous highs. 🕵️♂️
The AI Trade: Where Miners Are Dressed in Robes of Power 🧙♂️
Crypto-related stocks are throwing a gala, with bitcoin miners pivoting to AI infrastructure. Alphabet just bought a startup for $4.75 billion. What could possibly go wrong? 💸
Hut 8 is leading the charge, up 17.5%-a true hero in a world of financial chaos. 🦸♂️ IREN, Cipher Mining, and Bitfarms are also dancing in the 5%-10% range. 🕺
Circle, Coinbase, and others are ahead 2%-4%, while Strategy (MSTR) is as modest as a mouse. 🐭
Bitcoin May Not Rally Until Gold Cools… Or Maybe Never 🧙♀️
Analysts say Bitcoin won’t shine until gold stops its wild party. But who listens to analysts? They’re like the Wicked Witch of the West-always complaining! 👻
Despite this, Bitcoin has outperformed metals over the years. But silver’s parabolic rally? It’s now nearly matching BTC’s 8-year return. 📈
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2025-12-22 21:04