Gold vs. Bitcoin: Why Your Grandma’s Precious Metal Is Losing Its Luster 🤑

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Okay, folks, let’s talk about this whole “sell Bitcoin for gold” trend. If you think gold is your new BFF because it hit $4,000/ounce, Matthew Kratter (yes, that’s a real name) is here to slap you with cold, hard facts. Spoiler: Bitcoin isn’t going anywhere, and gold? It’s basically the TikTok of investments-ancient, heavy, and slightly cringey. 💍

According to Kratter, Bitcoin beats gold at its own game. Why? Let’s break it down: scarcity, portability, verifiability, divisibility… and also, it doesn’t require a forklift to move. Gold’s supply has been creeping up by 1-2% annually for centuries, which sounds innocent until you realize it’s doubling every 47 years. That’s like your ex’s Instagram followers-slowly, but inexorably. 😬

“Gold’s supply increase is a ‘sneaky inflation party’ that’s been going on for ages,” Kratter said, probably while sipping a latte and eyeing your gold-plated iPhone case. “And surprise! Suddenly there’s enough gold to fund a dozen Renaissance Faires.”

Oh, and don’t get him started on gold discoveries. We’re not just talking about buried treasure in your backyard-nope. There’s gold in space, too! Which is great if you’re a sci-fi fan, but not so much if you’re trying to avoid hyperinflation like 16th-century Spain. Remember that? The one where empires crumbled because they got hit with a gold tsunami? 🌊💸

Gold vs. Bitcoin debates are as endless as your mom’s opinion on your dating life. Bitcoiners say BTC is money’s next evolution; gold bugs say BTC is too volatile. But let’s be real: Who wants to carry a backpack full of gold bars to pay for groceries? Me? No. I’d rather send a tweet and call it a day. 🐦

Gold Suffers From Ancient Problems and Can’t Keep Up With Zoom Calls

Gold’s physical issues are… well, physical. Shipping it? Good luck. Moving even a tiny bar through an airport feels like a heist movie. Moving a meaningful amount? That’s a one-way ticket to “I’ll just use Venmo” land. 🛫

Gold’s also stuck in the Stone Age when it comes to digital finance. You can’t email it, and tokenized gold? That’s just a fancy way of saying “trust me, bro.” Risks? Oh, plenty: issuers could mint fake tokens, refuse to redeem them, or governments could just take it all. Sounds like a pyramid scheme hosted by a suspicious uncle. 🤷♂️

In the end, gold’s flaws are as obvious as your cousin’s conspiracy theories. Bitcoin? It’s the future. Gold? It’s the past-literally. So, unless you want to trade your crypto for a gold-plated toaster, maybe hold off. 🚀

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2025-12-20 23:33