Goddess of Wealth Just Turned into Goddess of Oops 😬 #CryptoCrime

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Chinese scammer Zhimin Qian, a woman who promised investors sky-high returns (translation: lies in a glitter-sprinkled vest), is about to face the UK’s version of “you can’t buy love (or a decade of freedom) 🙄.”

  • Qian: A con-artist extraordinaire who turned 128,000 victims into crypto-broke bros using a pyramid scheme that would make the guy who invented “get rich quick memes” roll in his grave 🤪.
  • UK police: Yup, we’re fancy. Stole 61,000 BTC from her during a raid so extensive, it probably gave the MI5 a headache ✊.

Qian, a fugitive who mastered the art of “I’m not a criminal… I’m a wealth deity!” since 2017 (using expired passports and a Wikipedia of hilighter smearies), is now set for a London trial that feels like a real-life version of “The Attorney Inevitably Wins 😬.”

The stakes? Up to 14 years behind bars. Because apparently, in the UK, you can jail someone for being both a fraud and a spectacular failure at not getting caught 🙃.

In late September, Qian (also known as Yadi Zhang or hundreds of other suspiciously lovely noms de crime) finally gave up pretending to be a “goddess,” and swung that guilty plea like it was a redemption arc on Netflix 🎬.

How Qian Stole the Show… And Everyone Else’s Money

Qian persuaded good people (read: senior citizens with savings intentions as big as their Labrador’s appetite) to invest in promises of returns that defied the laws of gravity and basic math. Her slogan: “Trust, but verify… not!” 🤡.

Once Chinese authorities smelled a rat (more like smelled a roasted pig of shame), Qian jetted to the UK and tried to live like a real goddess-by buying property and ogling high-end wares. Classic.

Her assistant, Jian Wen, got 6 years in stir and a moral about not working for dodgy queens 👑. Qian, meanwhile, let evidence do the talking once it started piling up like a skip hike after Christmas 🏔️.

The seizure? 61,000 BTC, which is Bitcoin speak for “we broke Idris Elba if he turned into a demon and ate a million Monero buns 🍞.” This was the UK’s largest crypto bonanza, which earns detective work a standing ovation and Qian a one-way ticket to Mr. Mintz’s special edition cell.

Court to Qian: “Enjoy Clink Island while Mr. Wen got his plot of crime gardening. After all, who really hurt who… but make it a Crime Saga 😎.” #WhoHurtWhoButMakeItCrimeSagas

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2025-11-10 11:51