My dear friends, the SBF team insists FTX never went bankrupt-while creditors received 119% to 143% of their claims. A tale of financial alchemy, or just a very British lie? 🎩✨
A new missive from Sam Bankman-Fried’s entourage has stirred the pot of crypto chaos. They claim FTX was never insolvent and possessed enough assets to satisfy every customer. Naturally, this follows a document revealing the exchange’s glittering portfolio and repayment status. Meanwhile, the FTX Token (FTT) has had a little hissy fit of excitement. 📈🎭
SBF Team’s $136 Billion “Oopsie” on October 31
On the aforementioned date, SBF’s account (still active, one wonders why) declared, “FTX was never insolvent.” The attached document boasted $136 billion in assets-crypto, Robinhood shares, Anthropic equity, and even a dash of SpaceX. A veritable treasure trove, wouldn’t you agree? 🚀💎
[SBF says:]
This is where the money went. How very… theatrical. 🎭
– SBF (@SBF_FTX)
They also insist $8 billion in customer funds never left the premises. One imagines Sam whispering, “Not a penny less, not a penny more!” to his ledger. The team blames external counsel for the chaos, claiming liquidity was a “temporary hiccup”-like a minor cough after overindulging in champagne. 🥂
Creditors Rejoice (Sort Of) While the Estate Holds $8 Billion
Per the document, 98% of creditors have been paid 120% of their claims. The estate promises the remaining 119%-143%-after $8 billion in customer claims and $1 billion in legal fees. A Christmas miracle, perhaps? 🎁
Assets include $14.3 billion in Anthropic shares, $7.6 billion in Robinhood stock, and $12.4 billion in Solana (SOL). BTC, ETH, SUI, and XRP also feature. A portfolio so opulent, it makes a Bond villain blush. 💼
Crypto Community: “Darling, You’re Not the Only One Who Knows the Plot Twist”
Despite this grand narrative, the crypto crowd remains skeptical. On-chain investigator ZachXBT quipped that payouts were based on 2022 prices-now laughably low compared to today’s rates. A bit of “I’ll give you 119% of your SOL at 2022 prices” is less thrilling when you’re holding it now. 😅
[ZachXBT says:]
Creditors were paid from 2022 prices, not today’s. Users took losses like SOL or BTC holders-very unfortunate. The illiquid investments are just luck, not genius. 🎲
Illiquid investments worth more today are just a coincidence. You…
– ZachXBT (@zachxbt)
ZachXBT further accused SBF of “repeating false claims from prison”-a line that’s equal parts snark and truth. Many social media users agreed, muttering about rewriting history and the “fast collapse” that left millions clutching their pearls. Trust in FTX and its founder? As scarce as a polite remark from a Wall Street banker. 💼🙅♂️
Political pardons and legal loopholes also bubbled up, with some users eyeing Donald Trump’s recent pardon of CZ like a suspiciously large inheritance. “What goes around comes around,” one might say, though not while sipping champagne in a London flat. 🍾
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2025-10-31 13:21