FTX Drops Over $5 Billion Again! Who Said Crypto Was Dead? 😂

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FTX Comes Back from the Dead with a Billion-Dollar Splash! 💸💥

Crypto chaos

Well, well, well! Look who’s crawling out of the wreckage like a banker at the end of a bad heist—FTX! The bankrupt exchange, now playing by the court-approved rules (like a child in timeout), expects its brave creditors to get some shiny coins from the distribution heroes, BitGo or Kraken, faster than you can say “Ponzi scheme.” Within 1 to 3 business days after the May 30 announcement. Fast enough to make a cheetah blush! 🐆

And here’s the kicker: the recovery rates aren’t all the same as a bowl of grandma’s soup. Oh no. Lucky Class 7 Convenience Claims get 120% (yes, more than 100%—because why not?), while other customers are stuck with percentages that make a rollercoaster look steady—54% to 72%. FTX.com customers? They’re getting a hearty 72%, U.S. customers? A mere 54%. General unsecured and digital asset loans? Hang in there—they’re at 61%. Hope you like percentages, folks! 📊

Celebrating comeback

log into the FTX portal, verify who they are (no, you can’t send a selfie of your pet hamster), fill out tax forms (fun!), and team up with BitGo or Kraken—your new money-besties. Because nothing says trust like a crypto handshake, right? 🤝

Oh, and watch out for those sneaky phishing scammers! FTX’s official line? Never, ever, connect your wallets to shady characters. Always visit claims.ftx.com. Think of it as your digital safety bubble—because hackers are more persistent than your Aunt Judy asking about your love life. 💻🕵️‍♂️

Crypto rally

This second round of payouts comes hot on the heels of an earlier one, with more to come—probably faster than a cryptocurrency bubble bursting. Thanks to the booming crypto market rally, the estate’s assets are swelling up like a balloon before it pops. Stay tuned, folks—your digital piggy bank might just sound a little fatter! 🐖🚀

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2025-05-31 13:30