In the tumultuous realm of digital gold and blockchain’s labyrinth, where the tempest of capital swirls like a storm of damned souls, the crypto markets concluded their week in a feverish crescendo-only to wilt into the abyss of the weekend, their $4 trillion crown trembling like a mirage in the desert of greed. Oh, you wretched souls of the stock exchanges! Did you not see the records shattered, the 0.25% rate cut priced like a savior’s promise, while the job market wept with its swelling claims of despair? A comedy of errors, this grand masquerade of macroeconomics!
On the fateful Wednesday, the Fed shall wield its scalpel against the beast of rates for the first time in 2025, cloaking its decision in the garb of a “weak labor market,” as if the laborers themselves were not the true architects of this chaos. “Blame the workers!” cried the Kobeissi Letter, a prophet in a world of numbers.
Economic Events September 15 to 19
The August retail sales report, that trembling barometer of consumption, shall be unveiled on Tuesday-a mere flicker in the eternal flame of economic despair. But lo! The main event, the FOMC’s sacred conclave, shall decide the fate of rates. CME futures, those digital oracles, whisper of a 96.4% chance of a 25 basis point cut-a meek gesture-and a 3.6% chance of a 50 basis point coup, a rebellion against the status quo.
The Fed, that self-appointed shepherd of inflation, now fixates on the labor market’s whimper, as if the specter of stagflation were not already gnawing at the gates of civilization. “Amidst this maelstrom of uncertainty and gold’s ignoble rise,” quoth Nick Ruck of LVRG Research, “crypto assets cling to the illusion of resilience, a poor man’s hedge against the collapse of all we hold dear. Fiscal policies, like a drunkard’s stumble, and the Fed’s easing shall drag this cycle into 2026, a purgatory of macroeconomic hell.”
“With aggressive fiscal policies and expected Fed easing likely to extend the crypto cycle into 2026, both assets stand to benefit from sustained macroeconomic pressures. Mounting stagflation concerns may further support this dynamic, reinforcing the case for alternative stores of value as the Fed weighs this week’s interest rate decision.”
Key Events This Week:
1. August Retail Sales data – Tuesday
2. Fed Interest Rate Decision – Wednesday
3. FOMC Press Conference – Wednesday
4. Fed Dot-Plot Projections – Wednesday
5. Philadelphia Fed Manufacturing Index – Thursday
6. Initial Jobless Claims data – Thursday…
– The Kobeissi Letter (@KobeissiLetter) September 14, 2025
“We have concerns,” wrote JPMorgan’s Andrew Tyler, that the Fed’s September 17 meeting, a “25bp cut,” may become a “Sell the News” farce, as investors flee like rats from a sinking ship. Thursday’s Philadelphia Fed Manufacturing Index and jobless claims? A mere footnote in this tragicomedy.
Crypto Market Outlook
With the Fed’s cut already priced in, the markets now shudder in their Monday pangs, capitalization shrinking by 1% to $4.13 trillion-a paltry sum in the grand ledger of human folly. Bitcoin, that modern-day Icarus, soared to $116,000 only to falter like a penitent before the altar of market forces. Ethereum, too, danced with $4,700 before retreating into its cage of mediocrity. And the altcoins? XRP, Solana, Cardano-oh, the ignominy!-drowned in red, their losses a fitting punishment for their hubris. 😂
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2025-09-15 07:41