Ladies and gentlemen, conjure up—if you will—a smoke-filled Moscow apartment with papers strewn upon a mahogany desk, a glint of golden rubles at the far edge. Suddenly, a telegram arrives: Two Prime, Schrodinger’s favorite investment advisor (as approved by the SEC’s own bureaucracy), is making a grand escape from the wobbly embrace of Ethereum
ETH
$1 845
24h volatility:
2.6%
Market cap:
$222.72 B
Vol. 24h:
$14.22 B
! Six years in the circus, and now, with a masterful bow, they exit left—betrayed by unpredictable trapeze acts and the audience’s vanishing applause. 😏
Henceforth, Two Prime pledges fealty to a new Czar: Bitcoin
BTC
$96 611
24h volatility:
2.1%
Market cap:
$1.92 T
Vol. 24h:
$29.09 B
. Why? Because the capital’s nobles and bankers (read: “institutional investors”) are stampeding for BTC, shoving each other aside like hungry patrons at the pâté counter. 💸
Ethereum—Now With Extra Meme
What could make financier-types toss ETH aside faster than last month’s Pravda? Two Prime, once a titan among crypto lenders, has declared Ethereum’s recent acrobatics “memecoin-like”—not even the good memes, mind you, but the stale ones lost in translation. ETH’s price trajectory lately? Like a cat on a hot zinc roof, directionless and nervous, leaving the firm to pine for boring, predictable Bitcoin instead.
They waggle a finger at the numbers: “Statistically,” they intone while clutching abacuses, “ETH is riskier than letting Behemoth run the treasury.” And with that, Ethereum’s Bitcoin ratio plunges to five-year lows, proving, if anything, that popularity in 2025 can vanish faster than a magician’s ruble. 🎩✨
The Great Bitcoin Stampede
Meanwhile, over at Binance, the Taker Buy/Sell Ratio pops champagne at 1.142, signaling that buyers are storming the barricades, wallets raised like pitchforks. CryptoQuant’s incomplete prophecy pegs today’s ratio at $0.90—translation: patience is so 2021, everyone’s chasing green candles like they’re the last tram home.
Since late April, whales—both ancient titans and freshly-minted parvenus—are swimming in profits again. Even the “young whales,” who paid above $90K (impatience is eternal), are now preening with 7% gains, BTC sloshing about at $96,638 and counting. 🐋📈
100K or Bust? Bitcoin’s High Wire Act
The daily BTC chart glows rosier than Woland’s cheeks after three goblets of Madeira. RSI is flirting with overbought territory at 69.5, but there’s “room for more,” as the fortune-teller mutters. The MACD? It’s a parade, blue line overtaking orange, bars expanding enthusiastically—like poets on payday.
BTC 1D Chart | Source: TradingView
Our friend Fibonacci traces the steps: With local lows at $74,611 and hopeful peaks at $96,055, BTC has clawed past the 0.236 retracement ($90,994) and is now lounging, Ambrosius-like, above this perch. The 100K gate looms, glittering and ridiculous, with $108,000 whispering sweet nothings just beyond.
Should a bearish wind trouble this cozy scene? Expect support lurking at $87,863 or the mighty bastion at $85,533—but let’s not speak of falling below $80K. Such things are best saved for ghost stories and bear market banquets. Until then, the show goes on—and everyone wants a front row seat. 🎟️🚀
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2025-05-02 15:51