Estée Lauder’s Earnings: A Masterclass in Corporate Whiffle Ball

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If there’s one thing I trust more than a corporate earnings call, it’s a good conspiracy theory involving middle managers and misplaced commas. Estée Lauder (EL) gave us both on Wednesday-shares cratered 6.1% initially before settling into a 4.3% slump, like a guest who RSVP’d “maybe” to their own Q4 2025 results. The numbers? A baffling blend of “meh” and “uh-oh.” They beat expectations, sure, but only because analysts set theirs lower than a toddler’s nap schedule.

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A Fourth Quarter So Lackluster, It Makes a Pause Button Look Ambitious

Revenue tumbled 11.9% to $3.41 billion, and adjusted EPS nose-dived 86% to $0.09. For context, that’s like showing up to a dinner party with a casserole and then being surprised no one is impressed. The Europe, Middle East, and Africa region led the charge in disappointment, down 24%-though management blamed “weak travel sales from Chinese tourists.” Translation: Someone forgot to invite the goldfish to the buffet. Even outside that region, sales dipped in Americas and Asia/Pacific, proving that if you’re not careful, every continent becomes a victim of corporate whiffle ball.

Enter Stéphane de La Faverie, the new CEO who’s apparently mastered the art of cutting 5,800 to 7,000 jobs while claiming “structural margin expansion.” It’s the financial equivalent of telling your kids they can’t have dessert if they don’t finish their vegetables-except everyone’s still hungry and the menu’s in another language. Meanwhile, macroeconomic forces loom like an uninvited guest who brought a suitcase and a list of demands.

2026 Guidance: The Art of Promising Growth While Tripping Over Your Own Feet

Management now predicts 0%-3% revenue growth in 2026. Let’s be generous and call it “cautious optimism.” The stock is currently 76% below its 2022 highs, which is either a bargain or a sign that someone forgot to teach the company basic arithmetic. At 40 times forward earnings, investors need to believe in a miracle-or at least a very convincing PowerPoint deck. After all, nothing says “recovery” like paying premium prices for a company that trips over its own shoelaces every quarter.

So here we are: a stock that’s technically undervalued but smells like a half-eaten sandwich left in a conference room. The real question isn’t whether Estée Lauder can turn things around-it’s whether anyone will remember to check the expiration date on the glue holding the plan together. 🤷♂️

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2025-08-20 22:32