Dividend Dreams & Mild Panic

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Right. So, the dividends. It’s all about the dividends, isn’t it? Or at least, that’s what I keep telling myself as I stare at the market fluctuations. It’s supposed to be sensible, grown-up investing. Less about “moonshots” and more about… well, reliable income. Easier said than done, obviously. I’ve learned the hard way that a high yield can be a bit like a charming stranger – alluring at first, then potentially disastrous. Dividend cuts are never a good look. Current state of portfolio anxiety: moderately elevated.

I’ve decided to focus on consumer staples. It feels…safe. People will always need food, deodorant, and the stuff you use to…clean things. Even in an apocalypse, presumably. It’s the logic of a slightly desperate person, but it works for me. I’ve been quietly accumulating shares in three companies: General Mills, Hormel, and Clorox. Don’t judge. It’s a coping mechanism.

The Perils of Predictability (and Altria)

The trouble with safe, of course, is that everyone else thinks it’s safe too. And then you get situations like Altria. A tempting yield, yes, but… the Marlboro thing. It’s a bit like clinging to a rapidly sinking ship because the bar is nice. They’re propping things up with price hikes and share buybacks, which feels… unsustainable. It’s all a bit stressful, frankly. I need a holiday.

General Mills, Hormel, & Clorox: My Slightly Irrational Attachments

Okay, so General Mills, Hormel, and Clorox aren’t exactly thrilling. They’re not going to double overnight. But they’re… solid. And their yields are currently quite appealing. Which is to say, I may have overpaid slightly. I’m telling myself it’s a long-term investment. A very, very long-term investment.

General Mills is currently yielding around 5.4%. They’re admitting 2026 will be an “investment year,” which is corporate-speak for “things might get a bit wobbly.” But they’ve been paying a dividend for 127 years, which is… impressive. I doubled my position in late 2025. Impulsive? Possibly. Rational? Debatable.

I sold Hormel and Clorox at the end of 2025 to harvest some tax losses. It felt… responsible. Then I immediately bought them back, and added a bit more. Because, honestly, I liked the look of them. Hormel is a “Dividend King” – over 50 years of dividend increases. Clorox is almost there. It’s like collecting reliable friends.

Both companies are focused on brands and innovation. Hormel makes food. Clorox makes… cleaning stuff, mostly. Neither is setting the world on fire right now, but they have strong histories. And I’m hoping that means they’ll bounce back. I’m betting on resilience. And a decent yield. Mostly the yield.

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Time Arbitrage: Or, Why I Ignore Everyone Else

Wall Street is obsessed with the short term. It’s exhausting. As a small investor, I can afford to be… patient. I can focus on the fundamentals. And when I do, I see that General Mills, Hormel, and Clorox have a habit of surviving. And rewarding investors. It’s a simple strategy, really. But it requires ignoring all the panic. Current panic level: moderate to high.

If you like dividends, the time to buy is when everyone else is worried. That way, you get a good yield. And you benefit from the eventual recovery. It’s about taking a long-term view. And resisting the urge to check the market every five minutes. (Failed attempt count: approximately 78.)

Units of Cryptocurrency Lost: 0. Hours Spent Watching Charts: 11. Number of Panicked Texts to Friends: 27. Will become disciplined long-term investor. (Progress: minimal.)

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2026-02-23 12:42