Crypto’s Wild Ride: Winners, Losers, and a Monkey in a Tuxedo

Ah, the glorious dawn of 2026! Or at least, it’s supposed to be, if the crypto market’s recent antics are anything to go by. Think of it as the digital equivalent of a rollercoaster designed by a particularly mischievous squirrel-thrilling, slightly terrifying, and you’re never quite sure if you’re going to survive the next drop.

The crypto community, ever optimistic, decided to wade into the new year with enough green to make even a couch potato feel morally upright. Top 100 coins danced their way into the week, with the legendary CoinMarketCap’s top 20 index strutting a confident 5% upgrade-because who doesn’t love a good glow-up?

Big names like Bitcoin [BTC] and Ethereum [ETH], those titans of the crypto universe, strutted their stuff with gains of nearly 5% and 7%. Or perhaps they were just trying to make the rest of us look bad. Either way, impressive enough to make you wonder if they’ve secretly discovered a new type of energy drink-called “Crypto-Boost.”

But what about the rest? Grab your beverage of choice (preferably one that glows in the dark), and settle in. It’s time for the weekly recap of how this digital circus performed. Spoiler: some did spectacularly, others just sort of flailed in the metaphorical clown car.

Weekly winners

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2026-01-04 22:16