Crypto’s New Play: Banks & Biotechs Go Onchain! 🎭

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Ah, dear reader, if this week’s Crypto Biz had a theme, ’tis the grand march of traditional finance into the very heart of crypto’s core infrastructure, as if the old guard had donned a monocle and a blockchain! 🕰️💸

Tether, that paragon of stability, now seeks to court major venture firms, as if they were suitoring for a place in the pantheon of tech giants like OpenAI. 🤡 Meanwhile, US regulators ponder if stocks might trade onchain-truly, a world turned upside down! 🌀

Elsewhere, JPMorgan’s Kinexys platform welcomes a Gulf bank, while a biotech firm builds its treasury around a DePIN token. What sorcery is this? 🧙‍♂️🧪

SoftBank, ARK Eye Tether’s Mega Funding Round

High-profile investors, those paragons of wisdom, are reportedly in talks to back Tether’s $500B valuation, as if it were a fairy tale with a happy ending. 🦄 Yet, Tether’s CEO, Paolo Ardoino, speaks in riddles, leaving us all in a tizzy. 🤯

“A select group of high-profile investors,” he says, as if the world isn’t watching. Tether, once a mere stablecoin, now dabbles in energy, infrastructure, and venture capital-truly, a phoenix rising from the ashes of traditional finance! 🔥

SEC Considers Stocks onchain

The SEC, that stern guardian of markets, now contemplates allowing stocks to trade onchain. A revolution, nay, a coup! 🗽📈 Will we soon see shares of Apple traded in a digital tavern? 🍷

The Information whispers of a plan, but it’s all in its infancy. Yet, platforms like Robinhood and Kraken already dabble in tokenized stocks. How quaint! 🤭

Qatari Bank Adopt JPMorgan’s Blockchain

Qatar National Bank, ever the pragmatist, adopts JPMorgan’s Kinexys, as if it were a newfangled chariot. “A treasurer’s dream!” they cry, while the rest of us wonder if we’ve entered a farce. 🎭

Kinexys handles $3B daily-trifling compared to JPMorgan’s $10T. Yet, here we are, dancing to the tune of blockchain! 🕺

Predictive Oncology’s DePIN Treasury

Predictive Oncology, that bold biotech, builds a $344M treasury of Aethir tokens. A DePIN? A mystery! 🧩 Yet, with 435,000 GPU containers, it’s as if they’ve harnessed the power of the gods. ⚡

“ATH controls one of the largest decentralized GPU networks!” exclaims a co-founder. Truly, the future is here, and it’s powered by AI and emojis! 🤖✨

Crypto Biz: Your weekly dose of chaos, delivered with a wink and a blockchain. 🎭

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2025-10-03 00:34