Cryptocurrency’s Descent: A Tale of Shattered Hopes & MNAV Mayhem 🚀💸

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In the grand theater of modern finance, where greed and folly waltz hand-in-hand, the once-mighty B. Riley has taken up the quill to scribble a dire epistle to the digital-asset treasury companies (Datcos). Alas, their valuations have crumbled faster than the morale of a Russian peasant during a harsh winter, dragged down by macroeconomic forces as capricious as Tolstoy’s own characters.

Bitcoin-focused treasuries now languish at a 37% discount, Ethereum’s at 39%, and Solana’s a pitiful 59%-all while their underlying tokens merely gasped at 16%, 22%, and 28% declines. One might almost pity the poor souls who mistook this for a temporary blip rather than a full-blown existential crisis. “The market,” intones the report, “is undervaluing these companies,” as if the laws of economics had suddenly forgotten their own rules.

Analysts Fedor Shabalin and Nick Giles, with the solemnity of two monks penning a eulogy, have slashed mNAV assumptions through 2026. BitMine’s price target? Reduced from $90 to $47-a 50% haircut, yet still a “buy.” Perhaps the analysts believe in the divine power of ether accumulation, or maybe they’re just desperate for a miracle.

FG Nexus, now trading at $2.69, is hailed as a “value setup” despite its 0.7x mNAV-a valuation so low it makes a pauper’s beggar’s bowl look generous. And poor Kindly MD, whose target was halved to $1, is still deemed “compelling” at $0.55. One wonders if the analysts have ever held a dollar bill in their hands, or if they’re merely scribbling in the dark.

Sequans and SharpLink Gaming fare slightly better, but not by much. The former’s price target is trimmed to $11, the latter’s $19 rating clings to life like a drowning man to a single corkscrew. All the while, the stock tickers dance in pre-market chaos, a farce of numbers and hope.

Yet, in this maelstrom of despair, B. Riley clings to the faintest glimmer of optimism. “Buybacks, preferred deals, advanced ether restaking,” they whisper, as if these were the last rites of capitalism. But what fool still believes in yield strategies when the very ground beneath crypto’s feet is quicksand?

BitMine and SharpLink, the “highest-conviction” darlings, stand like weary sentinels in a battered sector. One can almost hear Tolstoy himself sigh, “Here lies the hubris of man, who dared to build empires on the sands of speculation.”

In the end, the tale is one of hubris and hubris alone. The market, that fickle mistress, will rebound only when crypto’s scribes stop chasing mirages and start tilling the soil of reality. Until then, let us toast to the brave-or foolish-souls who dare to play this game of economic chess with pieces made of smoke. 🥂🔥

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2025-11-20 17:39