In the land of cryptic coins and digital wizardry, it appears the scam goblins have multiplied like rabbits on a sunny Discworld meadow. The FBI’s Internet Crime Complaint Center, or IC3 for those who like their acronyms served with a side of mystery meat, reports that Americans have parted ways with a staggering $9.3 billion to crypto trickery in 2024. That’s a rather inconvenient 66% bump from 2023’s castle of lost coins, which tallied a mere $5.6 billion.
With over 140,000 brave souls filing complaints last year (and that’s just the ones who didn’t hang up and yell “Not my keys, not my coins!”), authorities suspect there’s a whole underworld of unreported woe, lurking in the shadows like a particularly persistent imp with a penchant for outdated paperwork.
Grannies vs. Goblins: Seniors Are Feeding the Scam Trolls
Turns out, the elders of the realm—those sturdy adventurers aged 60 and up—make up a whopping 33,000 of these tales, losing over $2.8 billion in the process. The FBI has noted that these scam artists have a refined taste for preying on those whose idea of “cloud” is more about weather than tech.
The signature move? Crypto ATM cons—yes, those magical boxy machines that spit out cash for those savvy enough to walk away with empty pockets. Last year, around 2,700 unsuspecting seniors found themselves withdrawing treasure from their own vaults only to send it through these sorcerous devices to scam sorcerers, tallying losses near $107 million. Not quite the retirement plan they envisioned.
Phony Fortunes and Investment Illusions
Another tale in the scoundrel’s playbook is the siren song of fake investments. The FBI’s crystal ball reveals that $1.6 billion evaporated into thin air last year, lured by promises of grand returns from crypto projects that exist only in the fever dreams of their creators—or perhaps in some forgotten corner of Ankh-Morpork’s dodgiest tavern ledger.
As these scam artists sharpen their wiles and cloak their schemes in ever more dazzling disguises, the FBI’s advice is simple: If an investment sounds like the magical equivalent of “buy one dragon, get a sky castle free,” it’s likely a goblin trick. Be suspicious, report suspiciousness, and maybe keep your spellbooks and wallets close.
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2025-04-24 13:22