Ah, August’s first day — or should I say, the day the crypto market decided to throw a temper tantrum. Like a congested street in the rain, total market value plummeted a hearty 6.6%, tumbling to a mere $3.8 trillion. But don’t worry, it’s just macroeconomic tensions playing dress-up in a market where everyone likes a good panic.
The Comedy of Errors
- Crypto took a nosedive, losing 6.6% with a spectacular $629 million liquidated—almost enough to buy a small island, if only we had islands in crypto!
- U.S. tariffs and the Fed’s mysterious hand scared away risk like a ghost in a haunted house.
- Bitcoin wallets thought they were extinct? Nope — they’ve been reawakened, while short-term holders did what they do best: sell at a lovely little loss.
Bitcoin (BTC) was down 2.4%, sliding to a cool $115,354, while Ethereum (ETH) took a 4.1% slide to $3,702. Solana, XRP, and Cardano each lost about 5%, ruthlessly dragging the altcoin sector through the mud. The Crypto Fear and Greed Index? Drooped 6 points, now at a tepid 75—because who needs excitement? 😅
About $629 million worth of crypto was liquidated—45% more than yesterday, apparently the market’s favorite sport. Technical indicators? Weak as grandma’s tea. Momentum is fading faster than your New Year’s resolutions. The overall open interest? Dropped 3%, resting at a modest $193 billion, and who’s counting anyway? 🤷♂️
Trade Tariffs & Fed’s Mood Swings: The Plot Thickens
Pour a shot of macroeconomic ‘fun,’ because this decline is mostly thanks to Uncle Sam’s new tariffs and the Fed’s mood swings. Investors are now pricing in “longer high rates,” which sounds boring but is actually like telling the market, “Prepare for a long, dreary winter.” So, riskier assets? Nope. Bonds? Yes, please.
Meanwhile, U.S. tariffs launched on August 1 target everything from India to South Africa, raising prices by 2-3%. Crypto mining and hardware suppliers? They’re probably crying into their soldering irons. President Trump, in his typical flair, announced these tariffs with all the subtlety of a marching band, threatening billions in trade flows—just the way we like it. 🎺
Ghost Wallets Stir & Traders Cry “Uncle!”
Meanwhile, in the cryptosphere’s haunted house, a couple of Bitcoin wallets from 2010 suddenly woke up after sleeping for 15 years. These relics moved 250 BTC worth nearly $30 million—because old wallets never truly die, they just haunt us. Most folks see these as ominous signs, like a little ghost whispering, “Sell now, or forever hold the bag.”
Long-term holders? More ghostly than ever—selling at a loss like they’re trying to go on a diet. Over 50,000 BTC were in the red mid-July, still aflame with regret as of the 25th. And guess what? More than 223,000 BTC shifted from long to short-term wallets — probably from “HODL enthusiast” to “Oops, I screwed up.”
The market’s rollercoaster? More like a rusty puppet show, with traders bailing out faster than you can say ‘pump and dump.’ 🚀🤡
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2025-08-01 08:57