Coupang: A Stock So Cheap, It’s Practically Stealing!

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Alright, settle in, folks. We’re talking about Coupang (CPNG 0.82%). Now, this isn’t your grandma’s blue-chip stock. No sir. This is a company currently embroiled in a scandal so juicy, it makes the Teapot Dome look like a minor misunderstanding. A data breach! Thirty-four million accounts compromised! Oy vey! The South Korean government is having a collective hissy fit, and frankly, I don’t blame ’em. But let’s be honest, in this day and age, who hasn’t had their data pilfered? It’s practically a rite of passage. And guess what? Investors are panicking, and that, my friends, is where we come in. The stock is down 26% in the last year. A fire sale! A bargain! A chance to buy low and laugh all the way to the bank!

Now, some folks are saying this is a disaster. They’re wringing their hands and predicting doom. To them, I say: relax! Have a pastrami on rye! This isn’t the end of the world; it’s a temporary hiccup. A little indigestion for a company with a seriously healthy appetite for growth. It’s like worrying about a hangnail when you’re about to win the lottery.

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Data Breach and the Long View (Or, How to Ignore the Noise)

So, the story goes, Coupang initially downplayed the breach, saying it was a minor kerfuffle. Then, suddenly, it’s thirty-four million accounts! Thirty-four million! That’s almost the entire population of Canada! And the CEO, Bom Kim, skipped a parliamentary hearing? A hearing! The nerve! It’s like showing up to a bar mitzvah wearing shorts. But here’s the thing: the South Korean officials are blaming “management failure,” not a sophisticated cyberattack. So, it wasn’t some James Bond villain; it was just… poor management? Honestly, that’s almost more depressing. But let’s be real, folks. In a few years, everyone will have forgotten about this. They’ll be too busy ordering more stuff on Coupang to remember the whole thing. That’s the beauty of e-commerce: short attention spans and fast delivery.

And while all this drama is unfolding, Coupang’s business is booming. Net revenue up 20%? Active customers growing by 10%? Positive free cash flow? It’s like a perfectly cooked brisket – juicy, tender, and incredibly satisfying. They’ve built an e-commerce platform with a delivery network that’s faster than a speeding ticket. It’s like Amazon, but with more kimchi. And that, my friends, is a winning combination.

Why Coupang Stock Could Set You Up for Life (Or, How to Get Rich While Others Panic)

So, after this little dip, Coupang is trading at a market cap of $32 billion. Thirty-two billion! That’s less than the cost of a decent yacht! They’ve got revenue of $33.66 billion, and management thinks they can hit a 10% adjusted EBITDA margin. Ten percent! That’s enough to make even Scrooge McDuck smile. If they keep growing at this rate, they could reach $40 billion, even $50 billion in revenue within a few years. And with their new venture in Taiwan? Fuggedaboutit! A 10% profit margin on $50 billion is $5 billion in earnings. Five billion! It’s enough to buy a small country!

So, let’s do the math. A $32 billion market cap, $5 billion in earnings… That’s a price-to-earnings ratio of just 6.4. Six point four! That’s practically giving money away! For a company with a wide moat, strong growth, and a healthy balance sheet, this is a steal. A robbery! A… well, you get the idea. Ignore the data scandal, ignore the hand-wringing, and buy this stock. You’ll thank me later. And if you don’t? Well, let’s just say I have a very good tailor.

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2026-02-15 05:42