Confessions of the Ether: Stocks, Speculators, and Sudden Surges (With Surprises)

On the 2nd of July, ETH-backed stocks soared like seagulls chasing a bread truck. 🕊️
ETH adoption, they say, is climbing — ETH itself up 8.1%! Just wait until it learns to cook. 🍳

In the gray world of capital, hope sometimes grows where no one expects. Companies, those stern-faced monoliths, look at Ethereum [ETH] not with suspicion but with the twinkle of a gambler at the roulette wheel. On July 2nd, publicly traded firms bound to Ethereum did not rise — they erupted, as if they’d had a secret glimpse of the sunrise.

BitMine Immersion Technologies, warrior in the mines of BTC, suddenly handed in its pickaxe, muttered something about back pain, and announced with grand airs, “From now on, it’s ETH in our coffers!” They call this a strategy. The market gnawed at their stocks, and BMNR closed up 27.17%, probably surprising even the janitor.

Further down this road of folly, SharpLink Gaming — a betting platform where fate is as unpredictable as a Moscow winter — confessed: “Look! Our ETH treasury now gleams with 198,167 ETH! We even made 222: magic ETH multiplying like rabbits since June 2.” Their shares, SBET, soared by 28%, proving that sometimes, luck loves the reckless. 🎰

Bit Digital didn’t want to be left outside, staring through the window. No, they threw off their cloak of BTC mining and reemerged (like the hero from a Russian novel) as an “Ethereum staking and treasury company.” No more shoveling digital coal! They raided $162.9 million in share offerings (who are these cheerful donors?) to stack up ETH, while their BTBT shares fluttered up 13.85% faster than a bureaucrat at closing time.

But why are these Ethereum stocks, like over-caffeinated poets, taking flight?

Devin Ryan, philosopher of finance by day, shrugged and said it plainly: “Real use cases are emerging.” We are, apparently, no longer buying tulips.

“Stablecoins were the first model, but a much bigger saga is about to unfold — think tokenizing assets, digital ledger dreams, and possibly a digital goat or two.”

Meanwhile, Farside Investors, a group who gaze at charts the way village elders gaze at the sky, noted that Bitcoin’s positive run ended July 1st. But Ethereum spot ETFs enjoyed a cool $40.7 million inflow — enough to make even a czar’s moustache twitch.

A closer look at these ETH spot ETF flows (the only thing flowing faster was tea at my grandmother’s kitchen) showed June was hot for investor interest. This is a turn from March and April when these funds were about as lively as a frozen herring.

Ethereum-native treasury and staking companies now flex their muscles, the Ethereum Community Foundation claps its calloused hands, and somewhere, the bureaucrats dream of correctly pricing “blob space” — a phrase so mysterious it could be a Tolstoy subplot.

The ECF, stubborn and independent, vows to make the ETH ecosystem shine and incense burn — possibly to ward off mispriced blobs. Onward, to glory, fortune, and perhaps the world’s first blockchain-themed samovar. 🫖

2025-07-04 04:11

But why are these Ethereum stocks, like over-caffeinated poets, taking flight?

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