The air smells like burnt silicon and desperation. Julian Robertson’s Tiger Cubs, those sleek predators of the financial jungle, used to breed confidence. Now? It’s a goddamn feeding frenzy. Coleman, that smooth operator at Tiger Global, just bailed on MongoDB – a perfectly respectable data swamp, mind you – and dove headfirst into a stock that’s already kissed the floor. Wealthfront. FORTY PERCENT DOWN. The man has a pulse, I’ll give him that. A deeply disturbed, possibly caffeine-fueled pulse, but a pulse nonetheless.
MongoDB: The Slow Fade
They call it an open-source document database. I call it a holding pattern. Sure, it’s got all the buzzwords: multicloud, AI, preventing unauthorized access… sounds like a digital panopticon, doesn’t it? The company’s been riding the AI wave, but the wave is crashing, and everyone’s scrambling for a life raft. Ten-bagger since 2017? Yeah, well, so was my uncle’s Ponzi scheme until it wasn’t. They hit a high in December, then… poof. Vanished like a bad trip. Sixty-one times forward earnings? Are they selling dreams now, or just data storage? The valuation is a hallucination, a shimmering mirage in the desert of overhyped tech.
Wealthfront: Into the Abyss
Wealthfront. The name itself sounds like a financial black hole. Automated digital wealth platform. Digital bank. They’re promising passive investment, tax efficiency… it’s all very… clean. Too clean. Like a surgeon’s waiting room. They raised a measly $456 million and immediately started hemorrhaging value. FORTY PERCENT. The man is either a genius or a complete lunatic. Probably both. Coleman was an early investor, naturally. The smart money gets in, the rest of us get… well, you know. Lock-up provisions? A polite way of saying, “Hold onto your losses, sucker.”
Eleven-and-a-half times forward earnings. Three times forward revenue. Not exactly cheap. They grew revenue 19%… but earnings stayed flat. Expenses are eating them alive. Lower interest rates? A killer. People need to be incentivized to park their money, not offered lukewarm returns. The digital banking space is a goddamn free-for-all. Differentiation? I haven’t seen enough to justify the risk. It’s a crowded field, and the sharks are circling. But Coleman? He’s doubling down. The man is either fearless or utterly insane. And honestly? I’m starting to suspect it’s the latter.
He’s betting against the herd, diving into the wreckage. It’s a dangerous game, but it’s the only one worth playing. Forget the safe bets, the consensus picks. Give me the stocks that are bleeding, the companies on the brink. That’s where the real opportunities lie. The stench of desperation is a powerful aphrodisiac. And Coleman, that beautiful, reckless bastard, is bathing in it.
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2026-02-25 20:13