Colbert’s Cheeky Advice For Migrants Is Inspired by ICE Fitness Test

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Stephen Colbert joked on Wednesday night about the physical fitness requirements for becoming an Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) agent.

Stephen Colbert recently shared a surprising observation about immigration enforcement. A CBS News report highlighted that President Trump continues to use ICE raids to instill fear, and is actively seeking more personnel to participate. However, many applicants hoping to join ICE are failing the required physical fitness tests.

Stephen Colbert joked about the physical fitness test required by Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE). To pass, applicants must complete 15 push-ups, 32 sit-ups, and run 1.5 miles within 14 minutes. He then playfully advised immigrants, “If you can run 1.6 miles, ICE won’t be able to catch you!”

He playfully suggested the high number of failures should motivate new recruits to work harder. He then jokingly imitated a strict drill sergeant, saying, “Alright, cadets, look to your left. Now look to your right. Now take a break. You must be exhausted!”

I was watching Colbert, and he was cracking up over this CBS report. Apparently, an ICE official described some new recruits as being totally out of shape – he actually called them ‘athletically allergic’! It was so funny because Colbert totally related! He joked, ‘You laugh, but that’s a real thing. I’m allergic to athletic!’ It really hit home, honestly.

Colbert joked that he always carries an “Epi-Garlic Breadstick.” He continued to poke fun at Trump, referencing Trump’s attempt to sue the Justice Department for $230 million, damage to the White House’s East Wing, and receiving the ironically named Richard Nixon Architect of Peace Award, which Colbert claimed he was “definitely familiar with.”

You can check out the full video on YouTube.

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2025-10-23 18:14