Right. So, Coinbase. It’s down, isn’t it? Nearly forty percent in the last twelve months. Which, let’s be honest, is a bit like realizing your best jeans no longer fit. You try to tell yourself it’s the jeans, not you, but deep down… Anyway. It’s currently trading around $176, and while that sounds… substantial, apparently, that puts it at 25 times next year’s earnings. Which, according to people who understand these things (i.e., not me, mostly), is… reasonable? I’m trying to be optimistic. I’ve started a list: Things I’m Supposedly Good At: 1. Making tea. 2. Worrying about stock prices. 3. Pretending to understand blockchain.
The thing is, it’s not like the whole crypto thing has just disappeared. It’s just… having a moment. A slightly prolonged moment. From 2020 to 2024, Coinbase’s revenue went up more than five times – a truly impressive number, until you remember the “crypto winter” of 2022-2023, which rather dampened the celebrations. Analysts are now predicting revenue and adjusted EBITDA growth of around 12% and 6% respectively between 2024 and 2027. It’s… cautiously optimistic, isn’t it? Like ordering a salad when you really want pizza.
And the assets under custody! Apparently, they ended the third quarter of 2025 with a whopping $300 billion. Up from $220 billion at the end of 2024. It’s a lot of money. I’ve started another list: Things I’d Do With $300 Billion: 1. Buy a small country. 2. Fund research into a cure for impulse stock purchases. 3. Still worry about money.
They’re also cleverly diversifying, apparently. Stablecoins are a thing, which reduces their reliance on the wildly fluctuating world of Bitcoin and Ethereum. They’re rolling out subscriptions, custody services, staking, and even catering to institutional investors. And they’re building their own Layer-2 blockchain. It sounds… complicated. I’m mostly hoping it involves a user-friendly app. If you, like me, are a slightly irrational believer in the potential of cryptocurrencies and decentralized apps, and you’re willing to ignore the current downward trend (which, let’s face it, is terrifying), then maybe, just maybe, accumulating Coinbase stock while everyone else is looking the other way isn’t the worst idea in the world. Units of Cryptocurrency Lost: 12. Hours Spent Watching Charts: 9. Number of Panicked Texts to Friends: 24. I need a cup of tea.
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2026-02-03 23:12