Coca-Cola & The Alchemy of Dividends

Coca-Cola. The very name conjures images, doesn’t it? Not of refreshing beverages, mind you, but of a relentless, almost demonic consistency. For decades, this elixir – let us not pretend it is anything more – has insinuated itself into the lives of billions. A feat of marketing, certainly, but also a testament to the human appetite for the predictable. The company recently reported $12.5 billion in revenue for the quarter ending September 26th. A sum large enough to make even Woland raise an eyebrow, though I suspect he’d be more interested in the souls consumed in its production.

And what does this empire of sweetness offer the discerning investor? Not enlightenment, naturally. But dividends. Consistent, reliable dividends. The kind that soothe the anxious spirit and allow one to contemplate the absurdity of existence with a modicum of financial security. One can almost hear the bean counters chanting – a dull, rhythmic drone more terrifying than any infernal chorus.

Currently, Coca-Cola distributes a quarterly dividend of $0.51 per share. To amass a yearly income of $10,000 from this source, one would require 4,902 shares. A considerable investment, to be sure. As of January 27th, this would necessitate an outlay of over $359,000. Enough to purchase a small estate, or perhaps a lifetime supply of worry. One wonders if the shareholders truly drink the stuff, or merely worship at the altar of its quarterly reports.

The company boasts an impressive streak – 63 consecutive years of dividend increases, and poised to make it 64. An astonishing feat, yes, but also a chilling reminder of the relentless march of time. It’s as if the very essence of Coca-Cola is predicated on defying entropy, on maintaining an unchanging form in a universe of perpetual flux. A most unsettling ambition, wouldn’t you agree? The leadership, naturally, touts this as “shareholder-focused.” One suspects it’s simply good accounting.

The brand, of course, is a moat. A sugary, carbonated moat, but a moat nonetheless. It’s difficult to imagine Coca-Cola’s earnings power weakening anytime soon. The world may descend into chaos, empires may crumble, but the demand for a familiar, predictable sweetness will likely endure. A depressing thought, perhaps, but a profitable one. Truly, a most peculiar alchemy – turning water, sugar, and marketing into a perpetual stream of income. A devilish scheme, one might say, though I suspect even the devil would demand a higher rate of return.

So, is Coca-Cola a safe haven for income investors? History suggests it is. But remember, even the most solid of investments cannot shield you from the ultimate absurdity of existence. One can only hope, while counting their dividends, that the world doesn’t suddenly develop a taste for something… different.

2026-01-31 19:32

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