Bitwise is basically sprinting toward the crypto promised land, filing paperwork for a Chainlink ETF that’ll let normies “invest” in LINK without accidentally setting their garage on fire trying to self-custody tokens. 🚀
If approved, this ETF will trade on a U.S. exchange under a secret code name (probably something like $MOONLAMBO). Investors can finally pretend they’re sophisticated while gambling on a token that’s down 5% in 24 hours. 🎰
The fund’s a *Delaware statutory trust* (fancy term for “we hope this works”). Its entire existence hinges on tracking Chainlink’s price via a “CME CF Chainlink-Dollar Reference Rate” (translation: “we hope it doesn’t crash before lunch”). 💸
Shares will be sold in blocks of 10,000-because who doesn’t want to buy 10,000 of *anything*? Authorized participants can trade in LINK or USD, which is just Wall Street’s way of saying, “We’ll take your money either way. 😘”
Speaking of crashes, Chainlink’s still down 5% today. But hey, maybe this ETF will magically make losses feel *less* soul-crushing! 🪄
Bitwise hired Coinbase Custody to “safeguard” LINK reserves. FDIC? Never heard of her. But Coinbase’s “private insurance” is basically a vault guarded by a guy named Chad with a shotgun. 🛡️
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2025-08-26 14:03