Krispy Kreme’s Stock Plummets: A Skeptic’s Guide to the Doughnut Circus

I’ll admit, I don’t fully understand why anyone would invest in doughnuts beyond eating them. It’s not like these little glazed miracles are going to start paying dividends—or doing anything useful, really, aside from making your fingers sticky. But apparently, some folks saw fit to treat Krispy Kreme like the next big tech unicorn, sending its stock soaring last week by 26%. And now? Well, let’s just say gravity has come calling, and it brought its plus-one: reality.

Will a $10,000 Investment in Alphabet Make You a Millionaire by 2035?

Since its debut on the stock exchange in 2004, Alphabet has been a lighthouse guiding investor ships through stormy seas. Now, the enterprise stands as a titan of technology, yet it remains on a trajectory that hints at an even more auspicious dawn. The adventurers who possess the patience to navigate this expansive landscape may find golden treasures awaiting them.

The Dow’s Dividend Aristocrats: A Tale of Two Titans

Johnson & Johnson (JNJ) and Verizon (VZ), those paragons of dividend aristocracy, are akin to two old foxes who know every trick in the book—and then some. They don’t just pay dividends; they cultivate them like rare orchids, ensuring their fragrance lingers year after year. Let us, dear reader, examine how these cunning beasts operate, for there is much to learn from their methods.

Stripe: An IPO on the Horizon?

Against this reawakening, one name consistently surfaces in the conversations of those who possess a longer view, a name whispered with a mixture of anticipation and, perhaps, a touch of skepticism: Stripe. Since the enthusiastic, yet ultimately ephemeral, spectacle of Coinbase‘s debut in 2021, no potential offering has commanded quite the same degree of attention. It is a curious thing, the manner in which the financial world seems to crave these new arrivals, these bold assertions of innovation.

If CoreWeave Splits, Will My Mother Notice?

CoreWeave’s pitch deck, which I read out of professional obligation and low-level masochism, is all about AI—data centers dense with GPUs humming away like anxious bees, rented out by companies with more ambition than infrastructure. They IPO’d in March, and already the stock’s up 200%, landing them at a $59 billion market cap. As a portfolio manager, I’m professionally delighted. As a human being who remembers Pets.com, I’m slightly nauseous.

Ethereum Hype: Another Silly Human Story

The price recently jumped 50% in a month. It now costs about $3,600 per coin – enough to feed a small village for a year, or buy one leather seat on a private jet. Tom Lee, who profits when Ethereum prices rise, says it might hit $15,000 soon. Of course he does.

Palantir’s Stock: A Gamble Before Aug. 4?

As of the closing bell on July 25, shares of Palantir have ascended 110% this year, a meteoric rise that has left many investors trembling with both exhilaration and dread. The S&P 500 and Nasdaq-100, those gaunt specters of market whims, now bow to this singular entity. But what price does such ascension demand? The soul, perhaps, or the patience of the prudent.

SES AI Stock: A Tale of Greed, Ambition, and the Quixotic Markets

Beneath the veneer of financial jargon lies a tale both sordid and sublime. SES AI announced its intent to acquire UZ Energy, a privately held purveyor of energy storage systems (ESS), for approximately $25.5 million—a sum that seems modest until one peers into the abyss of its implications. This transaction is not merely about dollars and cents; no, it speaks to something far greater: humanity’s insatiable hunger for power—literal and metaphorical.