Once, Celsius danced in the limelight, its growth a siren song to investors. Yet in 2024, the melody faltered. Setbacks crept in, and the chorus of optimism turned to doubt. The stock, once a paragon of potential, now bore the weight of disillusionment.
With 2025 hitting us like an uninvited relative, the benchmark S&P 500 (^GSPC) has recently seen more dramatic swings than a teenage drama club audition. From the fifth-steepest two-day decline since ’50 to the largest single-session point increase ever (yes, ever), we’re witnessing market moves that feel almost dramatic. I half expect an S&P 500 documentary narrated by Morgan Freeman to pop up any minute now.
This fund is for those who believe the future belongs to machines. Or maybe to the people who sell parts to the people who build machines. It holds 82 companies, none of which are named “Microsoft” or “Nvidia” (though one is close enough to count as a ghost). Its top holdings: Symbotic, Celestica, Joby Aviation. All fine names. All slightly less likely to blow up your portfolio than a bet on a single stock. Diversification, they call it. Or, as your grandmother would say, “Don’t put all your eggs in one basket unless you like scrambled returns.”
August 27 is the new August 27. That’s when Nvidia drops its Q2 results, and Wall Street is currently playing “hot potato” with its stock. Let’s unpack this like a reality TV budget: what’s real, what’s drama, and who’s about to get a “you’re fired” email from the market gods.
By 2030, PwC’s numbers suggest AI could swell global GDP by $15.7 trillion. A feast, they call it. But when the banquet is set on a deck of cards, the crumbs fall hardest on those with empty hands. Nvidia, Palantir, and AMD-guardians of this new age-have built castles in the sand. Their stock prices soar, yet the tide is already whispering warnings.
The closing bell tolled triumphantly: Kratos shares ascended by a modest but respectable 0.5%, outpacing even the ponderous lumbering of the S&P 500. One might say it was as if the gods themselves had nudged the ticker tape. But who are these divine interveners, you ask?
With the solemnity of a coronation, Texas Pacific has declared its intent to list shares on the newly minted NYSE Texas, a digital offshoot of the New York Stock Exchange. This, of course, is a branch in name only, for Texas has always been its own financial kingdom. To found a bourse in a state where oil once gushed like champagne and now flows like molasses is to build a clock tower in a desert town-both an act of hubris and a statement of intent.
The market participants, those faceless clerks of capital, acted with a mechanical precision that bordered on cruelty. They sold their shares en masse, leaving Coherent’s value scattered like papers in a windstorm, while the S&P 500, ever the stoic bureaucrat, remained unmoved, tracing its usual flat trajectory as though nothing had occurred. And yet, one cannot help but wonder whether this calamity was not preordained by some inscrutable committee seated in a dimly lit room far above human comprehension.
In the manner of a genteel hostess presenting her finest china, Weibo unveiled its second-quarter net revenue, a sum just shy of $445 million-a modest yet respectable increase of two percent from the previous year. The lion’s share of this bounty derived, naturally, from the ever-reliable stream of advertising and marketing, which itself rose by a like proportion to exceed $383 million. Alas, not all ventures proved so fruitful; value-added services suffered a decline of equal measure, settling at $61 million. Yet, such occasional missteps are but the shadow to the light of broader prosperity.
And why, you might ask, is Shiba Inu feeling the effects of a particularly ill-tempered market? Well, the answer lies in the latest Producer Price Index (PPI) report from the Bureau of Labor Statistics (BLS)-an entity which, much like a wizard trying to read a prophecy, is often only able to predict the future in the vaguest and most cryptic of terms. This time, however, it was a bit more straightforward: inflation for July came in at a rather hefty 3.7%, well beyond the modest 3% that the financial wizards had conjured up in their spreadsheets.