Vanguard ETFs: A Faustian Bargain for 2026?

The Vanguard S&P 500 ETF (VOO), a creature of legend among the common folk, tracks the S&P 500 index like a hound chasing a phantom. It hoards 500 stocks from America’s most venerable corporations, a collection so vast it could rival the Library of Alexandria-if books were replaced with balance sheets. To invest in VOO is to sign a contract with the devil himself, who, for a fee, promises survival through any storm. Crestmont Research, that oracle of numbers, claims the index has never failed to recover in 20 years-a feat that would make even Job weep.

QQQ vs. MGK: Tech ETFs in the Dustbowl 🌾

MGK, a child of Vanguard’s frugal gospel, tracks the CRSP U.S. Mega Cap Growth Index-a congregation of titans, their shadows long enough to blot out the sun. QQQ, meanwhile, follows the NASDAQ-100, a caravan of 101 souls trudging through the non-financial wilds of the Nasdaq. Their stories are etched in returns, yields, and betas, but their true nature lies in the dirt beneath the numbers.

Constellation’s Three-Year Stock Journey

Imagine, if you will, a company that’s been outpaced by the very currents of consumer behavior. Younger generations, it seems, are less inclined to raise a glass than their predecessors, while a significant chunk of its Hispanic clientele found themselves navigating a labyrinth of economic and political headwinds. Meanwhile, tariffs on aluminum cans and supply chain snarls in Mexico added the kind of friction that turns a smooth road into a bumpy one.

VUG vs. VOOG: A Kafkaesque Dilemma in Growth ETFs

Both entities, in their labyrinthine pursuit of large-cap growth, are ensnared within the confines of their respective indices, each a separate yet parallel path through the same desolate landscape. VOOG, bound to the S&P 500 Growth Index, and VUG, tethered to the broader CRSP U.S. Large Cap Growth Index, embody the paradox of choice-a choice that feels less like empowerment and more like an inevitable march toward abstraction.

2026: The Market’s New Year’s Resolution

After President Trump’s tariffs, the S&P 500 took a hit so dramatic it felt like a bad haircut. But then, like a determined tourist in a foreign city, it bounced back, adding 16% year to date. The economy, however, is less of a tourist and more of a person who’s lost their passport. Hiring has slowed, unemployment hit a four-year high, and I’m not sure if anyone’s still buying the “I Heart Tariffs” mug I got at a roadside stand in 2018.