Will a $10,000 Investment in Alphabet Make You a Millionaire by 2035?

Since its debut on the stock exchange in 2004, Alphabet has been a lighthouse guiding investor ships through stormy seas. Now, the enterprise stands as a titan of technology, yet it remains on a trajectory that hints at an even more auspicious dawn. The adventurers who possess the patience to navigate this expansive landscape may find golden treasures awaiting them.

The Dow’s Dividend Aristocrats: A Tale of Two Titans

Johnson & Johnson (JNJ) and Verizon (VZ), those paragons of dividend aristocracy, are akin to two old foxes who know every trick in the book—and then some. They don’t just pay dividends; they cultivate them like rare orchids, ensuring their fragrance lingers year after year. Let us, dear reader, examine how these cunning beasts operate, for there is much to learn from their methods.

Stripe: An IPO on the Horizon?

Against this reawakening, one name consistently surfaces in the conversations of those who possess a longer view, a name whispered with a mixture of anticipation and, perhaps, a touch of skepticism: Stripe. Since the enthusiastic, yet ultimately ephemeral, spectacle of Coinbase‘s debut in 2021, no potential offering has commanded quite the same degree of attention. It is a curious thing, the manner in which the financial world seems to crave these new arrivals, these bold assertions of innovation.

If CoreWeave Splits, Will My Mother Notice?

CoreWeave’s pitch deck, which I read out of professional obligation and low-level masochism, is all about AI—data centers dense with GPUs humming away like anxious bees, rented out by companies with more ambition than infrastructure. They IPO’d in March, and already the stock’s up 200%, landing them at a $59 billion market cap. As a portfolio manager, I’m professionally delighted. As a human being who remembers Pets.com, I’m slightly nauseous.

Ethereum Hype: Another Silly Human Story

The price recently jumped 50% in a month. It now costs about $3,600 per coin – enough to feed a small village for a year, or buy one leather seat on a private jet. Tom Lee, who profits when Ethereum prices rise, says it might hit $15,000 soon. Of course he does.

Palantir’s Stock: A Gamble Before Aug. 4?

As of the closing bell on July 25, shares of Palantir have ascended 110% this year, a meteoric rise that has left many investors trembling with both exhilaration and dread. The S&P 500 and Nasdaq-100, those gaunt specters of market whims, now bow to this singular entity. But what price does such ascension demand? The soul, perhaps, or the patience of the prudent.

SES AI Stock: A Tale of Greed, Ambition, and the Quixotic Markets

Beneath the veneer of financial jargon lies a tale both sordid and sublime. SES AI announced its intent to acquire UZ Energy, a privately held purveyor of energy storage systems (ESS), for approximately $25.5 million—a sum that seems modest until one peers into the abyss of its implications. This transaction is not merely about dollars and cents; no, it speaks to something far greater: humanity’s insatiable hunger for power—literal and metaphorical.

tag only. Also, add a relevant emoji at the end of the last paragraph. Let me start by generating the title. The original is “Why Curaleaf Stock Bumped Higher Today.” A Vonnegut twist might be something like “Marijuana Stocks Rise: Politics and Patience Play Their Parts.” That’s under 100 characters. Next, the body. The original has an image, which I need to keep. Then the first paragraph talks about investors being optimistic. Vonnegut would probably mock the absurdity of hoping for profit in a struggling industry. Maybe something like, “Investors in marijuana companies are a breed apart. They’re like sailors on a sinking ship, clutching straws labeled ‘growth’ and ‘profitability.'” The part about Curaleaf’s stock rising can be rephrased with a touch of irony. Instead of “decent-sized pop,” maybe “a modest upward twitch.” The mention of the S&P 500 flatlining can be juxtaposed with cosmic indifference. For the political section, Trump endorsing Gruters. Vonnegut’s style would highlight the absurdity of political endorsements in the context of marijuana reform. Maybe something like, “President Trump, a man whose policies often resemble a game of darts with a megaphone, endorsed a pro-pot senator. Because nothing says ‘progress’ like a man who once called pot a ‘dope’ now backing a legalization advocate.” Including the fatalistic phrase “So it goes” after explaining that Gruters’ influence is limited. The analysis needs to be deeper, perhaps pointing out that while this is a minor win, the federal landscape remains unchanged, and investors are betting on hope rather than reality. Finally, the emoji. Since the article is about stock movements and politics, maybe a 🚀 (for upward movement) or a 🌿 (for cannabis). The latter fits better. I need to ensure all shortcodes like [stock_chart] are retained and images are in place. Also, avoid using tags and any color styles. Check that the title is only in the tag and not repeated elsewhere. Putting it all together, making sure the sentences are simple, the tone is wry, and the macro strategist’s analysis is evident. Let me review each section again to ensure compliance with the parameters and the desired style.End of Thought (19.51s) Marijuana Stocks Rise: Politics and Patience Play Their Parts Investors in marijuana companies are a breed apart. They’re like sailors on a sinking ship, clutching straws labeled “growth” and “profitability.” The industry’s losses are legendary, yet they persist. Why? Because hope, like smoke, is light and hard to hold. On Monday, Curaleaf’s shares twitched upward—2% or so—a flicker of optimism in a sea of red ink. The S&P 500, meanwhile, yawned. The move wasn’t about math. It was about politics, and politics, as we know, is theater. The president endorses a pot proponent Donald Trump, a man whose love for reform is about as deep as a puddle, endorsed Florida Senator Joe Gruters for RNC chair. Gruters, a legalization cheerleader, once sponsored a bill letting Florida’s medical cannabis patients grow their own plants. The bill died. The Senate’s health committee, a room full of grown-ups, said no. Trump, though, is a fan of chaos. He endorsed Gruters and also endorsed the outgoing chairman, Michael Whatley, who’s now running for Senate. Two endorsements, one cause. The RNC, it seems, is a stage where everyone plays both sides. [stock_chart symbol="OTC:CURLF" f_id="340562" language="en"] Every win counts If Gruters wins the RNC chair, it’ll be a victory. But it’ll be the kind of win that feels like losing. The federal government isn’t moving. The real power lies with Congress, not the RNC. Still, investors clapped. They needed a reason to. The marijuana industry is a long game. It’s not about today’s headlines or tomorrow’s stock prices. It’s about grinding through years of red tape, legal battles, and public scorn. Gruters’ nod is a pebble in a landslide. So it goes. Macro strategists know this: markets trade on stories. Today’s story was a threadbare one. But in the grand scheme of things, it’s enough. For now. 🌿

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