Luminous Lures of Longevity: Chevron, Exxon, and TotalEnergies Unveiled

The roll call of integrated energy giants is a sparse gallery: Chevron, Exxon, TotalEnergies, BP, Shell. Yet BP and Shell, with their half-hearted flirtations with clean energy, have left a stain on their dividend records, a blemish that lingers like an indelible ink on parchment. Their recent reversals of fortune-abandoning green pledges as readily as one discards a moth-eaten coat-render them less than ideal companions for the long-haul investor. Thus, the stage is set for the triumvirate of Chevron, Exxon, and TotalEnergies to bask in the limelight of dividend reliability.

AbbVie in 2030: A Macro Strategist’s Glimpse

Humira, once the jewel in AbbVie’s crown, has become the cautionary tale of biosimilars. Its sales have dwindled like a tide retreating from a sandy shore since 2023. Yet, where one door closes, two successors-Skyrizi and Rinvoq-swagger in with such confidence that even a cynic might raise an eyebrow. These two drugs are on track to outearn Humira at its peak, a feat that would make a goldfish blush.

CrowdStrike’s Investor Day: 5 Stats That’ll Make Your Portfolio Scream 🚨

After a 2024 outage that made their reputation about as stable as a TikTok trend, CrowdStrike’s net new ARR is set to hit 40%+ growth in the back half of 2026. Translation: Renewals and upsells are healing faster than a Netflix reboot. The newer modules (you know, the ones with acronyms longer than a SpaceX invoice) are pulling their weight, making deal sizes puff up like a Victoria’s Secret ad. For subscription models, this is the financial equivalent of finding money in last winter’s coat pocket – it’s early, it’s juicy, and it smells like Q4 bonuses.

Buffett’s Bet: Vanguard ETF’s Cosmic Return Journey

The S&P 500, that venerable club of 500 corporations, operates under rules so specific it makes the selection process for the Wimbledon finals look positively casual. A company needs $22.7 billion in market cap, profitability, and a U.S. exchange listing-though final approval rests with a committee that meets quarterly, presumably in a mahogany-paneled room with velvet curtains and a ouija board.

Three Dow Contingents Poised for Ascension

Apple (AAPL)’s stumble into the artificial intelligence epoch was less of a triumph and more of a misstep, to put it politely. The company’s October 2024 unveiling of Apple Intelligence, while brimming with promise, failed to stir the masses-or their pocketbooks. The result? A rather unseemly dip in share price, from $256 to $188, as investors exchanged glances over lukewarm coffee. Yet, as the seasons turned, so too did fortune’s wheel. Consumers, it seems, were equally unprepared to wade into AI’s murky waters, preferring to let the kinks be ironed out by others. Now, both parties-Apple and its clientele-find themselves primed for a more harmonious duet.

CoreWeave: Can You Really Turn $10,000 Into a Million?

But here’s the catch: GPUs aren’t cheap. They cost a fortune, and creating the infrastructure to house them? Well, that’s another story entirely. Imagine building a spaceship, and then filling it with engines that cost as much as your house. Sounds fun, right? But not exactly something you can do on a whim. Still, the world is screaming for more AI computing power, and big tech companies can’t sit around twiddling their thumbs while their data centers slowly take shape.

Eternal Dividend Portals: A Trio of Financial Labyrinths

These three entities-AbbVie, Tennant, and Pfizer-stand as enigmatic tomes in the library of enduring value. Their dividends, like ancient ciphers, promise not mere income, but a pact with eternity. Each offers a distinct path through the maze, yet all converge on the same immutable principle: resilience.

Intel: An Overlooked Gem in the AI Landscape Worth Considering

Yet here’s the curious truth: Intel trades at a price-to-sales (P/S) ratio of merely 2.4, fluttering below the peaks of its own 10-year history like a bird that’s lost its way. In a world awash with inflated valuations, Intel’s numbers seem about as old-fashioned as a three-piece suit at a summer picnic.