In the late hours of Wednesday, the company triumphantly announced the sale of approximately 34 million shares—an act that has ensured their coffers swelled by $1.1 billion—thus, their valuation reaches a splendid $6.9 billion. Such a debut, after previous flirtations with failure, notably a misadventure involving a SPAC, shall surely be remembered in the annals of financial history.
Demand has waned, and the meme coin’s fortunes seem to follow the whims of a particularly petulant cat. As investors abandon ship (or perhaps just swim to safer waters—like fiat), the on-chain data reveals that SHIB’s realized profit/loss (NPL) has been mired in negativity for months. In layman’s terms: coins are being sold at a loss, which, on Wall Street and in the world of blockchain alike, is rarely a sign of impending prosperity. The bearish sentiment is so thick you could cut it with a dull shovel.
This week, the ever-charming Josh Olszewicz from Canary Capital takes us on a scintillating stroll through Solana’s glamorous, if occasionally scandal-ridden, history—where it’s come from and what it’s up to today.
As of Thursday, Ethereum (ETH) was prancing around a humble $2,630. An unremarkable price, one might say, until you remember that it’s a staggering 90% above its lowest dip earlier this year. Talk about a glow-up, eh? 😎
Apparently, some media outlets, as sharp as a butter knife, believe the two are interchangeable—like trying to confuse a cat with a potato. And oh, the exchanges! They’ve struggled to tell them apart, often misnaming the token with all the finesse of a drunken sailor. Remember 2019? Kraken got a bit of a slap on the wrist by the XRP fans for calling XRP “Ripple,” as if that clarified anything. Ripple’s CTO, David Schwartz, chimed in with a tweet: “It’s irresponsible when exchanges misrepresent digital assets in this way.” Well, ain’t that a revelation? 🤦♂️
According to Vanda Research, retail investors jettisoned a cool $258 million worth of Nvidia stock during the week ending June 4. Meanwhile, institutions remain unfazed, continuing their quiet accumulation of the tech giant’s shares. Seems like retail’s trying to play it smart, but will their next move be in the direction of crypto?
This pièce de résistance, if ever blessed with SEC approval, promises to transform ordinary mortals into Bitcoin aficionados with a flick of the wrist—or monstrous marketing budget. It’s a novel twist in the already merry-go-round of Bitcoin investment tools, where everyone from hedge fund oligarchs to grandma’s sock drawer claims to have the “next big thing.”
By some miracle of bureaucracy, or perhaps just good old-fashioned police work, BidenCash now leads to a server controlled by the police—because nothing says “clean internet” like a government trap. Launched in March 2022, it grew faster than a virus in a crowded subway, luring over 117,000 users into the dark folds of the web and raking in a cool $17 million selling stolen credit card details. Talk about a digital gold rush — except the gold was someone else’s credit limit.
According to a Bloomberg report on June 4th (because if it’s not Bloomberg, did it even happen?), JPMorgan is ready to roll out this bold new offering for their high-net-worth clients. You know, the ones with more money than they know what to do with. Starting with BlackRock’s iShares Bitcoin Trust – yes, the one with over $70 billion in net assets, because why not start big?
With its impressive growth, like a polecat in a henhouse, Bitcoin promises to fatten your wallet faster than a country preacher on Sunday. Several wise men (and a few fools) have laid out plans to get ya to retirement with Bitcoin—if you’re brave enough to listen and smart enough not to get cleaned out first.