Cryptonews

Venezuela, which somehow claims to hold the world’s largest oil reserves (a cosmic joke if ever there was one), has seen its energy sector devolve into a post-apocalyptic wasteland of mismanagement, sanctions, and political chaos. Now, Donald Trump is betting that American oil expertise can resurrect it. Because nothing says “reliable partner” like betting your life savings on a nation that’s basically a real-life version of Mad Max with less action and more bureaucracy.

The decision was confirmed by the Dubai Financial Services Authority, which oversees financial regulation within the DIFC. Yes, the DFSA gave it a thumbs up, which apparently counts as a regulation badge of honor.

Alas, poor Cardano (ADA), thou hast fallen by 2.83% in the last 24 hours. A tragedy most foul! 😢

Bitcoin, 🧠gold, and silver moved higher during early Asian trading as the U.S. dollar weakened sharply, following comments by Federal Reserve Chair Jerome Powell that reignited concerns over political pressure on the central bank. 🧠💥

Thanks to Solana’s “program design” (which sounds suspiciously like a fancy way of saying “we did our homework”), it’s supposedly safer for AI than Ethereum’s Virtual Machine. Developers on Solana need to write less code from scratch, according to Mumtaz, who also happens to have 310,000 X followers. Coincidence? I think not.

This grand transaction, executed a mere eight hours ago, has set tongues wagging. It’s one of the largest single withdrawals of SHIB we’ve seen in recent days. The recipient, oh-so-classy, goes by the “Ethereum First Funder” tag-like an old London gentleman with a mischievous streak-yet even he’s been lured into the Shiba frenzy. With a portfolio nudging $2.54 million, this wallet now proudly displays 410 ETH, but guess what? SHIB has leapt into second place, boasting over $408,000 in their digital vault. Someone’s feeling bold! 💥

And let’s talk about that high-profile trader who’s just opened a 10x long on 42,498 ZEC. That’s a whopping $17.53 million bet! Talk about commitment! It’s like deciding to adopt three puppies at once-you better be ready for some chaos! 🐶🐶🐶

According to the venerable Michael Saylor, the company’s last grand Bitcoin caper was nearly six months ago, on July 29-which, I dare say, is just long enough for folks to forget they ever owned a penny. Back then, they amassed a whopping 21,021 BTC for a hefty $2.47 billion, proving once again that the sort of fun you can have with a few billion is obviously endless. 😉

The Financial Action Task Force, that ever-watchful sentinel of financial morality, recently released a missive praising T3 FCU’s “real-time” crime-fighting prowess. One imagines suited bureaucrats cheering as digital handcuffs clinked over $300 million in crypto. How thrilling. 🎉

Under the new rules, regulated crypto exchanges are required to verify users through live selfie authentication and geographic location data during the onboarding process. Because nothing says “trust me” like a wobbling chin and a GPS pin. 🌍📸