Cryptonews

At Tuesday’s cabinet meeting (popcorn not provided), Trump issued several statements, each one sharper than a freshly minted coin. Apparently, Powell’s refusal to cut interest rates has cost the American people billions—number pending confirmation from either the Tooth Fairy or the nation’s top economists, whichever is available first. With the enthusiasm of a game-show host inviting contestants to spin the resignation wheel, Trump suggested Powell should step down faster than you can say, “Rate cut, please!”

OpenAI, meanwhile, recently dispatched a note reminding the starry-eyed that these tokens do not, in the eyes of law or common sense, convey actual OpenAI equity. And if you wish your tokens to become equity, do collect several letters of approval from OpenAI in triplicate—none will be forthcoming. 📑

As the Ministry’s notice fluttered through the public like an uninvited letter on a dreary afternoon, it proposed amendments to the “Special Act on Promoting Venture Businesses”—though one wonders what’s so special about being promoted by an act, save for the existential ennui. Under this spectral revision, digital asset firms, yes—even those rent-seeking, code-wielding operators—could be freed from the ranks of the “banned,” where, alongside gambling dens and errant roulette wheels, they had been interned by society’s disapproving gaze. 🎰

The bulls, those most indefatigable of creatures, have successfully flipped the $2,500 level from resistance to support, a feat that has left the bears in a state of utmost bewilderment 🐻. And yet, despite this triumph, the price still faces significant pressure below the $2,700 zone, a level that has proven to be a formidable foe, indeed.

It was announced this Tuesday, perhaps somewhere near St. Petersburg, that KULR Technology Group Inc., in their infinite modern wisdom, accepted a generous line of credit—$20 million, no less—from Coinbase Credit Inc., a subsidiary of Coinbase Global Inc. There is talk, loud and eager, of a “multi-draw loan” (consider, dear reader, the poetic horror of borrowing to buy imaginary coins).

SOL’s perpetual futures funding rate turns negative, indicating a lack of confidence among traders.

The spectacle unfolded at Istanbul Blockchain Week, where bureaucrats, suited and stoic, gathered like crows on a carcass to softly mutter the end of decentralized exchange freedoms. A transcript landed on my desk—anonymous, no doubt shaken loose by a trembling desk clerk—detailing the new plan. Let’s call it what it is: DeFi is to be herded into the same lifeless barn as the centralized lot. Fill out your forms, ye free-spirited protocols, or taste the cold shoulder of banishment.

In a recent CNBC Television interview, Citi Wealth’s chief investment officer Kate Moore expressed her discomfort with the rally, citing a macroeconomic outlook that’s still shrouded in uncertainty. Think of it like trying to navigate a spaceship through an asteroid field without a functioning nav computer. 🚀

The price was everywhere, hitting a $0.0000136 range. To put that into perspective, that’s 16.8% volatility—if FLOKI were a roller coaster, nobody would be allowed on without a helmet and a signed waiver. The fireworks mostly happened from 13:00-16:00 UTC, but really, time is relative when you’re watching numbers this tiny bounce around.

In classic cryptonian fashion, UNI ascended to $7.5485 on July 8, sprouting wings and soaring 67% from its April depths (also known as That Month We Don’t Talk About). With a market cap of $4.7 billion, one suspects somewhere, a tech bro just bought another lava lamp.