Ether’s Epic Faceplant: $600M in Tears and Tariffs 😭💸

Friday was basically a horror movie for crypto markets, thanks to U.S.-China trade tensions. Trump’s tariff threats were the jump scare no one saw coming. 🎃

Friday was basically a horror movie for crypto markets, thanks to U.S.-China trade tensions. Trump’s tariff threats were the jump scare no one saw coming. 🎃

If Coinbase wins, it’s basically a power move in the stablecoin game, solidifying their grip on the crypto world. 💪

My dear, it seems a subsidiary of Dominari Holdings (DOMH), that investment firm with ties to the Trump boys (yes, the ones with the golden lifts), is teaming up with the Bitcoin programmability project Hemi. All to advance their digital asset treasury and exchange-traded fund (ETF) plans. How ambitious! 🏙️💰
The victim’s wallet, known in the underworld of ledgers as 0x0cdC, was drained of 17.75 million DAI and 3.11 million MSYRUPUSDP tokens. The audacious culprit bridged the spoils to Ethereum, where they currently lurk under the watchful glare of watchers who resemble overcaffeinated hawks. 🦅💸
Bullish sentiment? More like bullish *sent away*! With selloffs climbing faster than a cat up a curtain, technical indicators are screaming, “Three-month low, here we come!” 📉🎢
By brewing their own stablecoin potion, of course! MiCA-compliant and ready to outshine the dollar. 🧙♂️

Prestige Wealth (PWM) says it has clambered closed a $150 million financing round to launch a digital-asset treasury focused on the glittering, gold-backed tokens of Tether-the shiny dragons in the ledger. 🪙🗃️

Now, according to JACKIS-who’s apparently a chart wizard-a special kind of magic happened with BNB. They call it the “three tap into parabola breakout.” Doesn’t it just roll off the tongue? It turns out, BNB didn’t just randomly burst through the roof. Nope, it had a little pre-party first. It tapped its all-time highs three times before deciding to go big or go home. And guess what? XRP’s been doing the same thing for the past year. Three taps. If it’s a trend, folks, we might be looking at a repeat performance. If XRP follows the BNB playbook, we could see it shoot up, just like BNB did, to break $1,300. 🎯

In this alley of charts and forecasts, traders stare at a diagram as old as the stockyard: a symmetrical triangle that promises a larger move if the crowd bothers to look, not just blink. If prices retreat, a signpost appears at $0.69, marked like a last meal on a long week-a possible place to buy, perhaps with both hands trembling and hope shining through the fatigue.
On the fateful day of October 9, 2025, Justice Sundaresan scoffed at the feeble attempts of WazirX’s parent company, Zanmai Labs, to challenge an earlier arbitration edict. “Oh, do try harder!” seemed to be the unspoken message. The court reaffirmed that CoinSwitch (yes, that’s Bitcipher Labs, for those of you following along at home) had every right to secure its frozen fortunes-holdings amassed like a dragon hoarding gold-following the cataclysmic cyber-attack back in July 2024, which some say was worth more than the very social fabric of the crypto market at $234 million.