Cryptonews

Thursday saw Bitcoin trying to burst through a key barrier after a modest 2.9% boost from the opening bell. But like a stubborn kid, it bounced off the $89,000-$90,000 plateau more times than a rubber ball in a playground, only to fall back to $85,145-a two-week low that feels as dramatic as a soap opera. The crypto hero attempted a comeback twice in a day, only to get politely rejected-no entry today, please. Market sage Ted Pillows (yes, that’s his real name) points out that despite the rollercoaster, BTC manages to cling above the $85,000 support, teasing a shot at the $90,000-$92,000 range-if it doesn’t give up first. But, beware-the moment it drops below that support, it could be headed down to revisit November’s lows, around $80,000, braiding its way into history’s repetitive tale. Ted suggests that Bitcoin’s recent antics might just be a rerun of its Q1 2025 drama, hinting at a possible tumble below current lows-because who likes surprises in the market, right? 😂

In a shockingly serious post on X (formerly Twitter, but Elon insists we call it X now), CryptoVizArt.₿ pointed out that Bitcoin “sharks”-those holding between 100 and 1,000 BTC (so, you know, just casual millionaires)-have been stacking coins like they’re preparing for a digital apocalypse.

Lo and behold, the relentless march of consumer crypto platforms continues, trampling niche audiences underfoot like peasants before a tsar’s carriage. Base, that peculiar Ethereum Layer 2 contraption nurtured by Coinbase-yes, the same Coinbase that trades under the cryptic ticker “COIN”-has flung open its digital gates on December 17th. Now, in over 140 nations, one may engage in socializing, trading, payments, and earning, all while questioning life choices. Truly, a modern marvel!

Executing GOOSE-3,” requires approval from Lido DAO token holders.

Adam Back, a cypherpunk extraordinaire and co-founder of Blockstream (basically the Zaphod Beeblebrox of Bitcoin infrastructure), took to X (formerly known as Twitter, but let’s not get into that) to assure everyone that Bitcoin is “quantum ready.” But don’t worry, he says, quantum computers are still “ridiculously early”-like, so early they’re probably still figuring out how to tie their own shoelaces. 👶💻 He predicts no quantum doom for at least a decade, and even if some encryption bits get cracked, Bitcoin’s core security is as solid as the Restaurant at the End of the Universe’s menu. No stolen Bitcoin, no panic, just a lot of unnecessary hand-wringing.

Yet CRV, that melancholic soul, fell 2.63% in this very period. A week? Oh, merely a 9.9% descent into the abyss. How poetic, how utterly Russian 🥟. Even Bitcoin, the tsar of crypto, was humiliated at $90k, rejected like a suitor at a provincial ball.

According to Sacks, Senate Banking Chair Tim Scott and Agriculture Chair John Boozman (yes, the same Agriculture Committee that somehow ended up in the crypto game-go figure 🌽💻) have confirmed this bipartisan bill is hitting the Senate floor next month. And no, this isn’t another “maybe next year” promise. It’s happening. Allegedly. 🤞

Historically speaking, similar ascending channels in Ethereum’s charts have acted as a kind of fiscal safety net during midterm corrections. The observation of higher lows and specific volume patterns has traditionally been the trader’s preferred way to ascertain support-and, perhaps, a future rebound. Yet, one must remember, such signs remain less reliable when the network participation wanes, like a grand ball with fewer and fewer guests arriving.

In what they’re calling a “long-term competitive strategy,” Bitfinex has decided to cut those pesky maker and taker fees. And guess what? This isn’t just a one-time offer; it’s the new default. They’ve thrown open the doors to spot trading, margin trading, derivatives, securities, and even OTC trading on Bitfinex Securities. Just don’t ask them when this glorious free-for-all is going to end. They’re keeping that under wraps, probably because they’ve misplaced the calendar. 🗓️

Yes, folks, Intuit is teaming up with Circle to sprinkle some USDC magic across its platform. Credit Karma, TurboTax, QuickBooks-oh, the possibilities! 🤯