Cryptonews

They’re basically the Robin Hood of crypto, but instead of stealing from the rich, they’re just really good at making sure you can trade your Bitcoin for a slice of pizza faster than you can say ‘hodl.’ 🍕

In a particularly dramatic post on the CryptoQuant platform, the ever-dramatic pundit CryptoOnchain unveiled a mass exodus of institutional capital from the Ethereum market, as though it were the final act of a tragic opera. Specifically, the analyst revealed that over $600 million had vanished from the US-based spot Ethereum ETFs in a single week-a sum so staggering it could make a whale blush.

At the time of writing, DOGE was down 1.21% in the last 24 hours, trading at $0.1297. That’s right, folks, it’s approaching a support level so critical, it makes my high school math exams look like a walk in the park. And guess what? It already broke a multi-year support trendline. Oopsie! 😬

According to the U.S. Attorney’s Office (aka the fun police), Lunn used her VP gig at Prosperity Bank to access customer data without their permission. Because who needs consent when you’re cooking up a fraudulent Paycheck Protection Plan (PPP) loan scheme? 🍳💰 She applied for four PPP loans and a commercial loan, claiming they were for her husband’s businesses. Spoiler alert: they weren’t. 😬

Tether, the stalwart of stablecoins, has decided to take a bold leap from its comfort zone as a mere backend issuer to the wild world of end-users. 🌊

South Korea’s Hyundai Group faced a serious security scare on December 19. Therefore, employees were evacuated from major Seoul offices in the aftermath of a bomb threat. The email was demanding payment in Bitcoin. Authorities later said the threat was a hoax. However, the incident heightened concerns about the increasing digital extortion of large corporations.

In a missive from the wise minds at XWIN Research Japan, posted on the CryptoQuant stage, it is proclaimed that Bitcoin’s market doth tarry in a “post-rebound adjustment” phase, far from a full recovery’s embrace. They begin with the Bank of Japan’s rate hike to 0.75%, a move so anticipated it left the yen as feeble as a courtier’s wit. Historically, such weakness hath spurred ‘yen-funded carry trades,’ where Japanese investors borrow yen to chase profits in cryptocurrencies. Yet, this time, the script doth deviate from its usual course! 🧐

This ‘Raio-X do Investidor em Ativos Digitais 2025’ report, sounds fancy, don’t it? Mercado Bitcoin, the biggest digital trade post in Latin America, they’re sayin’ it ain’t just about folks gamblin’ on a hope and a prayer anymore. It’s gettin’ organized. Portfolio plannin’ and such. Makes you wonder if they’ve noticed real money is still mostly made the old-fashioned way: hard work and a sprinkle of luck.

The relentless trackers at Lookonchain (bless their diligent souls) have noticed a shifting of some $3,530,000 worth of Ethereum. Three million, five hundred and thirty thousand! One begins to feel rather insignificant, doesn’t one? 🤧

The coalition’s argument, as articulate as a Russian prince’s plea, rests upon the text of the celebrated (or, as some would have it, reviled) GENIUS Act. This statute, freshly inscribed by the hand of President Donald Trump, forthrightly forbids authorized stablecoin issuers from rewarding their holders with interest or yield directly. Notably, the lexicon of the Act raises the intriguing proposition that third parties might still offer incentives. Such a distinction, critics of the banking elite argue, is no mere oversight but a deliberate nod to glorious competition.