A U.S. federal judge, with the wisdom of a thousand grumpy old men, dismissed a crypto investor lawsuit against Mark Cuban and the Mavericks. Why? Because the defendants weren’t “found” in Florida. It’s like trying to sue a ghost for stealing your candy. 🧛♂️
In this pilot deal (because, let’s be real, they’re still figuring out if this is a genius move or a financial faceplant), Intelion pledged their freshly mined crypto as collateral. It’s like saying, “Here, hold my Bitcoin while I do a backflip into the future of finance.” 🌪️✨
Amidst Bitcoin’s 4% December nose-dive (👑 ugh, another forehead kiss for HODLers!), Michael Saylor’s investment circus, Strategy, continued its frenzied Bitcoin accumulation. One might mistake it for a madman shoveling diamonds into a cryptic vault. 💣
But then, just when you thought you could finally relax, the 10/10 crash hit like a bad ex. SOL dropped below $200, and now it’s a bear’s playground. 🐻❄️
Yes, dear reader, while honest citizens were weeping over their crypto portfolios and questioning the existence of free will, Tether was calmly expanding its Bitcoin hoard like a paranoid squirrel with a billion-dollar inheritance. Close to nine thousand Bitcoin-no, not a typo, not a hallucination, though given the price swings, one could be forgiven for thinking so.
Apparently, this happened in 2025, amidst what they call “volatile market conditions.” Volatile. A polite word for chaos, if you ask me. Still, people kept trading. Steadily, even. Across the globe. Binance, naturally, was at the center of it all. A very important center, indeed. One wonders if anyone actually benefits from all this, beyond the exchange itself. 🤔
This triumph ended a seven-day outflow streak-a veritable financial exodus of £1.12 billion-that had left investors clutching their portfolios like a Victorian maiden clutching her pearls. A welcome respite, if you’ll pardon the pun.
Lo! The venerable Mr. Crypto Whale, a sage of the digital realm, unveils a logarithmic chart-a sacred scroll-foretelling a $210,000 peak in 2026. “Cycles don’t lie!” he proclaims, as if the market were a fickle lover who always keeps her promises. 🧙♂️✨
CoinGlass, that digital oracle of trading chaos, reveals a $300,110 purge of short positions in a single hour-proof that even the most bullish of bears can’t outdance a sudden price spike. Alas, these traders mistook past dips for a permanent bear market, a miscalculation as quaint as a typewriter in the age of quantum computing. 🐻📉
Meanwhile, the CoinDesk 20 index (CD20) strutted ahead by 0.5%, leaving APT in the dust. The broader market, it seems, has no time for such theatrics. 🏃♂️💨