“Pray tell, how fares my standing now, dear @TedPillows?” quoth he, replying to a jibe from three moons hence, a quip courtesy of Ted Pillows, noble partner at the crypto exchange OKX, who did scoff at Trump back in April when ETH took a mystical dive! 🏊♂️
Founded in 2013, BitGo is like the custodian of your wildest crypto dreams (or nightmares, depending on how the market’s doing). They provide security services for digital assets, acting as a digital vault for institutional investors like banks, hedge funds, and crypto exchanges. And boy, have they been busy! 🤯 Their assets under custody have gone from $60 billion to $100 billion in just the first half of 2025. That’s like, a lot of money 💸.
On that fateful day, July 19, our daring hero Hayes waxed lyrical about the whispers of the Bank of Japan (BOJ) stepping in like a ninja to supply U.S. dollars against all that pooled collateral—starting July 17, no less! This bold maneuver? A “pivotal macro development for crypto markets,” he asserts, echoing with dramatic flair, “This is huge!” If only the BOJ had a flair for the theatrical, we might’ve seen them do a little dance as well! 💃💸
Since that oh-so-promising bullish break on 23 June, Pudgy Penguins [PENGU] has been on a wild ride, surging by 170% on the 1-day chart. And on Monday, 21 July, it pulled off an extra 21.7% gain – like it was trying to prove a point. Because nothing screams “I’m on top of the world” quite like a penguin doing a flip in the charts, right? (No, really.)
This growth suggests people are increasingly trusting the XRPL with their assets, which is either a testament to blockchain’s promise or proof that humans will digitize literally anything—including their grandmother’s china collection. 🤖🏺
The health technology firm is planning to create a Bitcoin-focused treasury plan through a funding arrangement that’s as straightforward as a Tolstoy novel 📚. Under the deal, Ascent intends to invest up to $100 million in the company’s common shares. One can only assume they’re hoping to get in on the cryptocurrency craze 💥.
Per the latest Digital Asset Fund Flows Report, the discerning eyes of institutional investors poured record sums into ETH exchange-traded products (ETPs) last week. A feat most worthy of a standing ovation—or at least a well-dressed gentleman with a quill.
On a most auspicious Monday, the exchange decreed that U.S. folk could now tango with perpetual derivatives through their Coinbase Financial Markets account. Yes, you heard right: BTC-PERP and ETH-PERP are here, ready to whisk you away on a rollercoaster of risk and reward. Because nothing says “fun” like betting on crypto without an end date. 😏
In an ear-splitting announcement shared on the bustling bazaar of X social media, the illustrious marketing queen, Lucie, has graced us with insightful revelations about the impending altcoin carnival, intricately detailing the escapades awaiting SHIB. First off, what’s a party without Bitcoin? The mighty BTC, like a polished performer, breaks down those oh-so-crucial resistance levels, reclaiming its self-proclaimed throne of market dominance. Thereafter, Ethereum steps in, gallantly waving its digital flag, signaling the commencement of capital’s exuberant exodus to the expansive altcoin tapestry.
This little drama, which feels like it’s been pulled straight from a soap opera written by accountants, centers around something called the “Motion for Leave.” No, it’s not a new dance craze or a vegan smoothie trend—it’s the FTX estate’s desperate plea for extra time to explain why it wants to stop paying back creditors in countries with what they call “vague or restrictive crypto laws.” You know, those places where regulators might throw the book at them—or worse, toss their executives into jail. 🚓💸
