Cryptonews

Source – X

One voice in the wilderness still calling for the moon is none other than Merlijn The Trader, a technical analyst who’s got more charts than a cartographer’s notebook. Merlijn recently updated his “Bitcoin Market Maker Model,” a fancy way of saying he’s trying to predict when we should all cash out before the party ends.

According to a recent note from the Federal Reserve (yes, those merry money-makers), a handful of nations have already dipped their toes into this glittering pool of accounting wizardry. Germany, Italy, Lebanon, Curacao, Saint Martin, and South Africa-a motley crew if ever there was one-have all waved their wands and declared, “This gold is worth more now!” 🎩✨

Главное событие: в ноябре 2024 года FTX, будто шепот вдовы, заявляет, что CZ и его друзья украли 1.7 миллиарда баксов, закамуфлировав их под «сделку по выкупу акций», будто он решил погреться в тепле их миллиардов. 🙄

This soothsayer, known only as Inmortal, commands an army of 234,400 followers on X (formerly Twitter). From his digital pulpit, he preaches of Ethereum’s imminent breakout, likening it to a rocket poised to breach the final frontier at $4,000 before blasting off into uncharted territory. “Where we’re going,” he cryptically muses, “you won’t need charts.” 😅 Yes, because apparently, when ETH hits $4,000, logic itself will evaporate like morning dew under the sun.

In a missive on the platform X (formerly known as Twitter, that den of digital babble), Cullen proclaimed his “Bitcoin game plan.” He observed, with the gravity of a man deciphering the mysteries of the cosmos, that BTC is “filling out the inefficient area” between two previous weekly ranges. Ah, the inefficient area! A phrase so absurd, so Gogol-esque, it could only belong in the annals of crypto prophecy. The next move, he declares with the certainty of a soothsayer, will depend on whether Bitcoin breaks out or breaks down from this range. Break out, break down-what nonsense! It is as if the coin itself is a character in one of my tales, perpetually trapped in a bureaucratic nightmare. 🧙♂️📉

Base, that shiny new Ethereum Layer 2 darling, decided to throw a tantrum and hit pause on its mainnet-just when you’d think it might be able to handle, I don’t know, more than a teacup full of activity? Turns out, its active sequencer chose to take a nap because the blockchain got a bit too enthusiastic. The official word? “High onchain activity,” or as I like to call it, “Too much coffee for the server.”

This guy made his name talking about real estate and gold-the boring stuff your uncle brags about at Thanksgiving dinner-but guess what? Bitcoin turned out to be his golden goose. Well, more like his *digital* goose. No tenants calling at 3 AM because their toilet exploded. No mortgage payments stressing him out. Just some Bitcoin chilling in cyberspace, quietly multiplying while Kiyosaki forgot all about it. Then BAM! Millions. 🚀

This persistent haemorrhage has folks scratching their heads. Is the grand bull market over, or is this just a theatrical intermission? If so, it’s a pretty dramatic one, with Bitcoin ETFs spearheading the rebellion. They’ve dumped over $812 million on the very first day of the month-truly a welcome gesture. Since last Thursday, U.S.-listed Bitcoin ETFs have lost more than $1.5 billion-because apparently, trusting Wall Street is optional now. Major funds like Fidelity’s FBTC, Ark Invest’s ARKB, and BlackRock’s IBIT have led the exodus, losing over $175 million in just a Tuesday-but hey, who needs all that money, right? Just a fleeting fling into the abyss. 💸

Market cap? A modest $31.47 billion-nothing to sneeze at if you’re into the crypto rodeo. Daily trading volume has shot up 26.28% to $931 million, making Tron the apple of retail and institutional investors’ eyes. But wait, there’s drama! The failed breakout at $0.334 and Tron Inc.’s $1B shelf filing-sounds fancy, but also a bit ominous-have cast shadows heavier than your grandma’s curtains. Still, on-chain metrics are painting a bullish picture, so grab your popcorn – this price analysis is about to get spicy.