The crypto economy, bless its heart, opened the week as red as a barn facade. Bitcoin (BTC) had a smack of sense to lose, tumbling to a low of $111,986, unseen since the sunny days of Sept. 10. Ethereum (ETH) performed a dramatic plunge to $4,059, making it the bell-bottomed sensation of over 30 days, before recuperating to trade shyly below $4,200 as the clock struck 1:37 a.m. EST on Sept. 22.
As voiced by the ever-watchful eyes of Coinglass, the long or short ratio of IP stands at an optimistic 1.01-a telling indicator of bullish spirit among its daring traders. This enchanted ratio, higher than one, reveals that more souls are opening long positions, daring to dream of further elevations in the value of this most intriguing coin.
Our dear Athena was quick to install its Chivo-branded contraptions-those curious Bitcoin ATMs-but alas! App imperfections allowed some 400,000 fraudulent accounts to partake of government largesse. The taxpayers, of course, are none too pleased.
In a tale as old as time (or at least as old as cryptocurrency), a hapless investor recently parted ways with $80,462 in tokens. The culprit? A malicious batch transaction, signed with the naivety of a child and the consequences of a Greek tragedy. 🎭
IG, ever the strategist, declares this “bolt-on deal” a masterstroke, complementing its organic forays into the UK and US markets. (Organic, you say? Like a free-range chicken in a factory farm? 🐔) The acquisition, they claim, is the culmination of an “extensive sector review”-a phrase so drearily corporate, it could only be redeemed by a well-placed eye roll. 🙄 Independent Reserve, hailed as one of Australia’s largest and fastest-growing regulated exchanges, shall now join the IG fold, presumably to add a dash of crypto-native panache to their otherwise staid portfolio. Adrian Przelozny, the exchange’s CEO, is no doubt toasting to his newfound corporate overlords, while IG’s Asia Pacific managing director, Matt Macklin, waxes poetic about the target’s “regulatory foundations and technology.” How thrilling! 📜💻
This operation, carried out by a crack team of investigators specializing in financial crime, cybercrime, and cryptocurrencies, marks the first time Canadian law enforcement has dismantled a crypto exchange. 🎉🤖 Or, as one officer put it, “We finally figured out how to right-click on the blockchain.”
His exit, a ballet of pragmatism, now dances awkwardly with his earlier prophecy of a 126x HYPE surge. A tale of two Arthurs: the visionary and the scalper, locked in a waltz of irony.
“The legacy economy is being sunset,” he proclaimed on the scroll of X (or whatever name the winds of change whisper today), as if the sun itself had grown tired of printing paper bills and now preferred to set in the glow of ones and zeroes.
By Shayan, our intrepid analyst who probably owns a monocle.
Let’s get this straight: the GOP’s crypto bill is being led by Tim Scott (R-S.C.), Cynthia Lummis (R-Wyo.), and their squad. The “Responsible Financial Innovation Act of 2025” dropped a draft in September that made everyone go “Hmm, okay…” One idea? A joint committee with SEC, CFTC, and 14 random industry folks. Because nothing says “responsibility” like letting 14 strangers into the room. 🤷♀️
