Cryptonews

But wait, there’s hope! Enter the Finder panel, a glittering assembly of crypto oracles, furrowing their brows over Cardano’s “strategic focus on scalability and network upgrades.” Translation: the developers are tinkering under the hood. One jazzy addition, named Leios (which sounds suspiciously like a Greek salad), is apparently going to make transactions so speedy and efficient you’ll barely have time to finish complaining about gas fees. If the upgrade works, swarms of developers and users could pour in—assuming they aren’t still recovering from the last bull run.

Oh, look at BLAST! The first Layer 2 network that dangles automatic native yield in your face like a carrot. You don’t have to lock anything up, which sounds great until you realize it might just be a trap. Sure, you’re getting around 4% for ETH and 5% for stablecoins. But let’s not kid ourselves—a flashy marketing spiel doesn’t change the fact that it sometimes feels like a pyramid scheme with a fancy name. Who knew passive income could feel so… judgmental? 🏰

The company filed paperwork with the US Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC) on Tuesday, aiming for approval to introduce the “Crypto Blue Chip ETF” later this year.

Those super cool web3 platforms everyone’s obsessed with? Yeah, they’re still pretty centralized 🤫. The teams behind “community-owned” protocols are like, “Hey, we’re all about sharing power… as long as we’re in charge” 🤣. Token voting systems are basically just a way for rich insiders to get richer 💸. And the communities, the ones who are supposed to be in charge? They’re just along for the ride 🚂.

On Monday, the advocacy group Stand With Crypto, alongside 65 other firms and groups, sent a letter to the US House of Representatives urging lawmakers to support the bipartisan Digital Asset Market Clarity (CLARITY) Act of 2025 as the US approaches a “pivotal crossroad.”

As I’m writing this, POL is trading at $0.2001, with trading volume jumping 71.4% to $92 million and derivatives volume up 67.87% to $83.75 million. Open interest has also climbed 10.98% to $98.7 million. It’s like the whole market is screaming, “Heimdall, we’re coming for you!” 🚫

The numbers tell a compelling story. According to DeFiLlama data, LetsBONK generated $1.04 million in 24-hour revenue compared to Pump.fun’s $533,412. More significantly, the platform has achieved 55% market share in the Solana memecoin launchpad space, a remarkable achievement for a platform that only launched in late April 2025. 🚀

One cannot help but marvel at the sheer number of Pi users—13.7 million, no less—who have completed their KYC and migrated to the mainnet. These intrepid souls are not just users; they are the lifeblood of Pi’s burgeoning ecosystem, actively engaging with Pi-powered applications and driving its growth. 🌱

At Tuesday’s cabinet meeting (popcorn not provided), Trump issued several statements, each one sharper than a freshly minted coin. Apparently, Powell’s refusal to cut interest rates has cost the American people billions—number pending confirmation from either the Tooth Fairy or the nation’s top economists, whichever is available first. With the enthusiasm of a game-show host inviting contestants to spin the resignation wheel, Trump suggested Powell should step down faster than you can say, “Rate cut, please!”

OpenAI, meanwhile, recently dispatched a note reminding the starry-eyed that these tokens do not, in the eyes of law or common sense, convey actual OpenAI equity. And if you wish your tokens to become equity, do collect several letters of approval from OpenAI in triplicate—none will be forthcoming. 📑