Cryptonews

Trump’s executive order essentially tells the Department of Labor to roll up its sleeves and start reviewing the rules for 401(k) plans. Why? Because someone somewhere decided that your retirement savings should be more exciting than just *waiting for retirement*. According to the order, workers will soon have the *privilege* of investing in crypto, private equity, and real estate – assets that have historically been available only to the rich. That’s right, the same people who throw $100 bills in the air at their parties. Well, now, thanks to Trump, you too can pretend you’re part of that crowd.

According to the illustrious data from DappRadar, the total value locked (TVL) in the protocols of DeFi leapt forth like a jester at court, a splendid 30% increase month-over-month. Our dear active wallets for tokenized stocks, once a humble band of merely 1,600, soared to a rather impressive 90,000! Mon Dieu! That propelled their collective market cap skyward by a dazzling 220%. 🎩

Our hero, ETH, is not just basking in the glory of its recent gains; it’s also facing the daunting task of pushing through a critical resistance zone. Imagine this as a castle guarded by grumpy trolls and skeptical market analysts, all waiting for the slightest hint of weakness to pounce. But our hero is undeterred, fueled by the bullish market sentiment and the whispers of traders who see the next big milestone on the horizon. 🏆

Hyperliquid (HYPER) now finds itself at a crossroads more dramatic than choosing between borscht and blini. The $42.24 zone, once a stronghold of support, has flipped into resistance faster than a politician’s promise. This critical juncture includes not one, not two, but THREE key technical confluences: the value area high, the 0.618 Fibonacci retracement, and the VWAP SR drawn from the all-time high. Will the bulls reclaim control, or will the bears seize the day? Stay tuned, dear reader, because this is where the fun begins! 🎢

Enter Matt Hougan, the CIO of Bitwise, a man who seems to believe the markets are as shortsighted as a mole. According to him, the regulatory tailwinds now gusting through the world’s largest economy are being woefully underestimated. One can only imagine the SEC’s Project Crypto as a grand masquerade, unveiled with all the fanfare of a White House garden party. Its aim? To bring clarity to the crypto regulations, as if clarity were a thing one could pluck from the ether. 🌬️

Bitcoin’s derivatives market is throwing a bit of a tantrum, with Perp Funding Rates plunging below 0.1%. Once upon a time, everyone was euphoric-so high you could see the tops of their heads-but now the market’s just taking a gentle nap. These calming waters suggest traders are securing their umbrellas, hedging against the possibility that volatility decides to throw a party elsewhere. It’s like everyone’s saying, “Let’s hold our horses… or at least hobble them a bit.” 🤷‍♂️

A pity, really. I mean, who wouldn’t want to get their hands on a slice of that XRP action? 🤷‍♂️ But, alas, BlackRock’s not biting. And, just to rub it in, they’ve also confirmed they won’t be offering a Solana ETF, thanks to their CIO Samara Cohen, bless her heart! 🙄

After reclaiming more critical levels than Bertie Wooster reclaiming his marbles, Zebec Network (ZBCN) has formed a bullish trend so aggressive it makes Gussie Fink-Nottle’s aunts look like a tea party. It all began with a swing low at daily support, and since then, the asset has been printing higher highs and higher lows with the precision of Jeeves pouring a perfect cup of tea. Price is now consolidating near the value area high, in what looks like a vertical accumulation phase projected to the upside. If only my bank balance would do the same, eh? 💼📈

As of 12:30 p.m. Eastern time on Aug. 8, 2025, XRP is trading at $3.23, up over 5% in the past 24 hours. Big whoop, right? Well, across all exchanges, XRP futures OI is sitting pretty at $8.56 billion, or 2.64 billion XRP. Bitget’s in the lead with $1.9 billion in OI (587.93 million XRP), Binance is right behind with $1.35 billion (415.23 million XRP), and Bybit’s got $1.27 billion (391.96 million XRP). Because why not throw billions at something that’s basically digital confetti? 🎉

The Fusaka upgrade, for those not in the know, is supposed to make Ethereum faster than a hyperdrive on a good day and more scalable than a rubber band factory. 🏎️✨ It’s all about processing transactions like a well-oiled machine and setting the stage for future upgrades. But, as it turns out, getting developers, client teams, and infrastructure providers to align is harder than herding cats. 🐱🐱🐱