In a move that reeks of both desperation and curiosity, Bank of America (BofA) has finally acknowledged the existence of XRP, filing with the SEC to reveal its ownership of 13,000 shares in the Volatility Shares XRP ETF. Valued at a mere $224,640, this investment is less of a leap and more of a timid step into the crypto abyss.
Behold, Bitcoin (BTC), once the darling of the markets, now findeth itself in a plight most dire. Like a knight who hath lost his steed, it faltereth, unable to reclaim the $78,000-$78,289 realm. Sellers, those mischievous rogues, hold sway across timeframes, their dominance unchallenged. Daily candles, like mournful dirges, close in bearish lament, signaling not a fleeting swoon but a steadfast descent.
The plot thickens, my dear, as the players change their tune. Whales, those grande dames of liquidity, have scaled back their bullish bravado, while the retail darlings, ever the optimists, hold their ground with a tenacity that borders on the absurd. One can’t help but wonder: are they dancing to a different tune, or merely out of step?
Since the weekend’s slump-a minor tragedy in this grand farce-Bitcoin has been confined to its $10,000 cage. Five days! A veritable eternity for a creature so accustomed to sprinting through price ranges like a startled hare.
Matt Hougan, the CIO of Bitwise-a man whose title alone suggests a certain flair for the dramatic-proclaims that this icy season began in January 2025. He insists that only the $75 billion in demand from ETF and treasury firms has stayed the executioner’s hand. Without it, he declares with a flourish, Bitcoin’s price would have plummeted by a full 60%. “We are in a full-blown crypto winter,” he intones, his words dripping with the weight of prophecy.
With a weekly volume bursting forth like an overripe watermelon-over $400 million, mind you-platforms such as Kalshi and Polymarket have donned their best battle gear, launching into the fray with strategies that would put even the most zealous carnival barker to shame.
Mr. Ardoino, in a moment of candor, dismissed the rumored raise as a “misconception,” a term that might well describe the entire affair. “That number is not our goal,” he declared, “but our maximum we were ready to sell.” One might wonder if the term “ready to sell” implies a certain eagerness, or merely a reluctance to be outdone by competitors.
Michaël Van De Poppe, a man who probably owns a monocle and a pocket watch, tells his 818,600 followers that the business cycle is now on a rollercoaster. “It’s like a toddler with a sugar rush!” he might say, if he weren’t so serious. The ISM Manufacturing PMI, that enigmatic creature, is now wobbling into the land of 50+, a place it hasn’t visited since the Stone Age. “Not great for the business cycle, and not great for Bitcoin,” he sighs, as if Bitcoin is a neglected pet.
Now, while the figures waltz about like confused dancers at a ball, it’s worth noting that OpenAI has recently closed a funding round of such staggering proportions that it leaves one dizzy: $157 billion! Nvidia’s participation is akin to adding a touch of spice to an already rich stew, signaling that our dear ‘AI Supercycle’ has indeed been fed well and is now fully capitalized.
Monero’s price has heroically defended the $380 “support zone” (translation: the price level traders nervously bet on) and even managed a modest pullback during its midday nap. Sellers, who’ve been bullying the market lately, seem to have taken a coffee break. As XMR approached the channel’s lower edge, the usual panic-selling slowed, leaving behind those telltale “downside wicks” that scream, “We’re done here!” Technically speaking, the $360-$380 range is now the VIP lounge for buyers-if they can hold it, that is.