Cryptonews

CleanSpark, Inc., the company that somehow convinced the world it’s the “America’s Bitcoin Miner,” has been handed a $100 million credit facility by Coinbase Prime. It’s like getting a gold-plated credit card, but instead of a line of credit, you’re pawning off your Bitcoin. Classic.

And then, the plot thickened. Is the Fed starting a new monetary policy cycle or just flirting with the idea? 🤔 Powell’s like, “Our policy is not on a preset course,” which is basically the adult version of “We’re just hanging out.” Cool, cool. Meanwhile, crypto’s over here like, “ARE WE IN OR OUT?!” 💔

It appears the fine folks at this digital assets conference have decided that normal is just too mainstream, and have thus conspired with none other than Sygnum Bank to birth a flabbergasting bitcoin reserve. 🤯

His grand strategy? Put 10% in Bitcoin (“because magic internet money is the future, apparently”), 20% in real estate (“bricks and mortar, the original NFTs”), and 70% in SPY stocks (“or as I like to call them, ‘the grown-up section’ of your portfolio”).

This ‘24HRSCRYPTO’ – an epithet as mysterious as it is elongated – doth suggest that investors, those souls easily swayed by rumour and speculation, know not the true paucity of XRP available for trade. This dearth, combined with the insatiable appetites of certain… *institutions*, threatens a crisis of availability. 🎭

Fnality, a blockchain startup nestled in the foggy embrace of the U.K., has not merely raised funds but orchestrated a symphony of greed, securing a $136 million Series C round. The usual suspects-Wisdom Tree, Bank of America, Citi, KBC Group, Temasek, and Tradeweb-led the charge, their wallets heavier than their consciences. Lest we forget, the old guard-Banco Santander, Barclays, BNP Paribas, DTCC, Euroclear, Goldman Sachs, ING, Nasdaq Ventures, State Street, and UBS-also joined the feast, their hands outstretched like beggars at a tsar’s table. This capital, a mere drop in the ocean of their excess, will fuel the expansion of Fnality’s global bank tokenized settlement network, a monument to the illusion of progress. 🏗️💰

Tokenized assets,-oh yes, the shiny new fad-are sweeping through the halls of high finance faster than gossip in a village. Ripple just announced on Sept. 23 that RLUSD, their shiny stablecoin designed for big guys, will now buddy-up with Securitize’s platform, linking Blackrock’s BUIDL and Vaneck’s VBILL for a sharing economy of shares and stablecoins-because who doesn’t want a piece of the token pie?

Fold has finally debuted its new Bitcoin rewards credit card, because apparently, we’re all secretly crypto billionaires in the making. 🤑 The card runs on the Visa network (fancy!) and is powered by Stripe Issuing (techy!). The best part? No more juggling categories, staking tiers, or deciphering complicated token systems. Just spend money, get Bitcoin. It’s like magic, but with spreadsheets. 📈