Cryptonews

At press time, Cardano was trading around $0.39, down modestly on the day, according to data from Brave New Coin. Because nothing says “excitement” like a 0.39% drop. 😴

In June 2024, VanEck released a report that many considered aggressive. It set a base-case Ethereum price target of $22,000 by 2030. 🤯💸

In the last week alone, DIEM has been on a rollercoaster ride, swinging between $263 and $426 like a monkey on a sugar rush. Starting near $263 and ending the week with a smug grin at $360 per coin (as of Saturday, Jan. 10, 2026, 7:45 a.m. Eastern time). 🕰️ Weekly gains? A cool 34%. Market cap? Over $13 million. Not too shabby for a token with just 36,000 tokens in circulation. Talk about making every coin count! 💰

According to the New York Post (aka the gossip column of the financial world), Citibank failed to “investigate or return the funds” like they were supposed to under the Electronic Funds Transfer Act. 🕵️‍♀️ You know, the law that’s supposed to protect us from rogue nieces and sketchy wire transfers. 🤦‍♀️

Double-check character count for the title. “Bitcoin ETFs Lose $250M: What’s Next? 🚀💰” – that’s under 100. Good. Now, rewrite each paragraph with humor, keeping the data accurate but presented in a more entertaining way. Maybe end with a sarcastic remark about the market being a “rollercoaster” or “wild ride.”

Once upon a time, Pump.fun thought, “Let’s make creators rich!” And for a while, it was glorious-tokens sprouted like mushrooms after rain, volumes soared, and even a Nasdaq-listed company (Fitell, bless their Solana-loving hearts) tossed PUMP into their treasury. 🌱

Stablecoins took root because they offer what bankers rarely deliver: higher, more flexible yields paired with fast, programmable payments. That edge gnaws at the old deposit order. Report after report shows U.S. banks leaning on lawmakers to bind stablecoin rewards, arguing that unchecked yields are a danger to the people and to the delicate balance of the system-like a sneeze in a cathedral. 😂

The market participation, the very lifeblood of this digital trading post, has withered. Buyers – a meager 60,985, down 82.75% – cautiously receding. Sellers – a mere 56,228, having descended 77.69%. Transactions, those frantic clicks and confirmations, have dwindled by 23.64%, down to 690,550. It is a silence, a void where once there was a feverish chatter.

In this farcical theatre of financial governance, event-based derivatives are drawing distinct lines in the bureaucratic sand, graciously outlined by our enlightened overseers at the CFTC. On January 8, 2026, their venerable offices tolled a revelation. Limited no-action relief was bemusingly bestowed upon a duo of trading instruments that take the stage with Bitnomial Exchange LLC and Bitnomial Clearinghouse LLC, where the regulation dances a dainty little jig around the prancing binaries and bounded swaps.

Ripple and BNY, those tireless heralds of the digital age, have marked a… milestone. A milestone, mind you, for institutional finance, with tokenized deposits finally venturing into the light of live use. BNY, that veteran of financial service, launched its on-chain deposit capability. Ripple, quick to announce, shared the news on that incessant social media platform X on January 9th, 2026. Excitement, they claimed. As if a spreadsheet launching on a blockchain is cause for champagne. Ripple Prime, naturally, was an early adopter. Because of course it was.