Cryptonews

Ah, SEC Commissioner Hester Peirce, the culinary philosopher of finance! Her “Peanut Butter & Watermelon” speech-delivered on a fateful day in August 2025 at U.C. Berkeley-serves up more than just a delightful snack metaphor. It’s a feast for thought, revealing the age-old struggle between the shiny promise of disintermediated technologies and the clunky machinery of financial surveillance that insists on policing our every transaction like a nosy neighbor peeking through the curtains.

On the weekly scene, XRP is still stuck in that same nasty confirmed bearish divergence – basically, a sign the market’s got a giant frown on its face. This isn’t exactly a rave; it’s more like waiting for the rain to stop before you can really dance. Traders warned about this when XRP was flirting around $3.40, and surprise, surprise, the predictions are unfolding like a bad Netflix series.

While some mortals hath embraced Bitcoin as a treasure hoarded in digital vaults, others, like our dear Dorsey, former sovereign of Twitter and chairman of Block, insist that payments must remain the beating heart of Bitcoin’s purpose. 🏦

Dearly beloved, let us consult the oracle known as CryptoQuant. According to its sacred scrolls, the gallant “stablecoins,” those cryptocurrencies tethered with the wise hand of fiat currency (primarily the illustrious US Dollar), have mercilessly cooled their growth. It appears our noble investors, wishing to escape the tempestuous seas of Bitcoin’s volatility, have found their safe harbor to be rather less than welcoming.

On Thursday, DeFi Development Corp. (Nasdaq: DFDV) revealed it gobbled up 407,247 🧙♂️solana (SOL) at an average price of $188.98 per token. This is like filling a treasure chest with digital gold, and now their reserves are 29% bigger than a grumpy troll’s hoard! 🚀

In a rather riveting missive on X-because apparently, the English language has run out of letters-CryptoQuant’s community analyst, the intrepid Maartunn, has revealed that the illustrious “Bull Score Index” has decided to undergo a transformation post-haste, courtesy of Bitcoin’s recent price hiccup. This index is as crucial as a soufflé recipe: it dictates the culinary phase of the cryptocurrency market based on a hodgepodge of key on-chain metrics.

On Aug. 28, ZachXBT decided to gift the internet another chapter in the never-ending saga of crypto drama. While responding to a desperate plea from Miguel Morales-a poor soul who lost $33,000 to a scammer-Zach didn’t just decline to help. Oh no, he went full diva. He declared that he wouldn’t assist the XRP community because, well, they’re apparently useless. His exact words? Hold onto your monocles:

Bitwise Files Form S-1 with SEC to List Chainlink Spot ETF | Source: SEC.gov | Aug 26, 2025

The roadmap promises a series of “software upgrades” (read: technical jargon for “we’re pretending to innovate”), including partner fee shares, scale orders, and TWAPs. All aimed at reducing latency. Because nothing says “trust us” like cutting processing times. 🧠⏱️

Ah, these analysts, like priests of a lost faith, point to patterns-dual bullish patterns, no less-marking a supposed reversal from the abyss of despair. They speak of lows formed during a dripping downpour of doubt, higher lows like the faint echoes of hope lingering after a storm-test after test of the neckline, a battleground of market sentiment. Such drama! 💥